


Jason Dean ‘JD’ x OC - I’ll Untangle You.

by maladroitperfervidpercussionist



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Based on Heathers, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heathers References, Heathers: The Musical References, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Original Character(s), Own Character, Power Play, Repressed Memories, Sexual Tension, Swearing, moral conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25015648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maladroitperfervidpercussionist/pseuds/maladroitperfervidpercussionist
Summary: Summary: The idea of this is an OC insert, you embody the OC and read it as if you are her. Your name is Winnie and you have recently moved high schools and have been suffering at the hands of the school jocks as well as your own mind. But you bump into JD, a boy you’ve never met before, and both of you end up discovering a lot more about yourselves than you knew existed, for better or for worse.Enough of my waffling, I hope you get some enjoyment from this peculiar tale.
Relationships: Jason "J. D." Dean/Original Character(s), Jason Dean/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. Hallway collision

**Author's Note:**

> I have included quotes from both the film and musical within the dialogue and obviously I hold no ownership for these or JD. I just couldn’t resist adding them as they fit some moments and they are just iconic. The only thing I own is my OC.
> 
> I am sorry for the awful title I’ve never been good at them.

Staring into your messed up locker, you were desperately holding back the tears that were itching to fall. Ever since you joined this new school, your life had gotten worse by the minute. You were bullied for everything; from your shyness to your weird observant skills that everyone called you a freak for. You had been tripped up in the lunch hall, had your books held out of your reach and anything else imaginable- but today they had just hit too close to home. You had returned to your locker to find the door smashed in, all of your books had been graffitied over and some of your stuff taken.

Whoever had done this wouldn’t have known it, but they had stirred up a sour murky memory you couldn’t quite grasp hold of. It made it worse that you didn’t know what it was because you were just left with this _feeling_ , like someone had grabbed an electric whisk and scrambled all of your emotions. Students were making their way home as the hallway began to clear of people, and the tears prickled and fell of their own volition. You were at a loss as to what to do next, you tried to pick up books but, oh god, you found your hand to be covered in some sort of sticky substance… honey? You didn’t want to know.

Hand now sticky, tears dripping down your face, you slammed the door shut.

Your thoughts were a blur as you turned to run down the corridor, maybe you were headed for the toilets- whatever. You needed to get away.

Your throat tightened and nausea hit as everything came to a head, you wanted to be angry but didn’t understand why fear was the dominant.

Spiralling emotions was probably the best explanation. You felt an idiot and now you-

With a bump, a squeal from you and a grunt from what you had run into, you fell flat on the floor, and flinging out your clean hand to brace yourself, you found it slid with a screech along the ground, causing a friction burn to ignite up your hand and arm.

“I am so so sorry!” You rushed to speak, not able to see the person you had collided with. Hair had fallen over your face and you were unable to brush it out of the way.

But then someone was pushing the hair out of your eyes; a dark haired boy was kneeling beside you. You struggled to sit up- he smirked at you with raised eyebrows as you started to spew more apologies.

“I am so so sorry I didn’t see you and I was just-”

A hand covered your mouth, causing you to breathe in sharply. His hand smelt of cigarette smoke and some other deep scent you couldn’t pin down.

A few seconds passed and the air around you settled.

“Are you done sweetheart?” The boy asked.

You nodded, although tears and adrenaline still pumped through you from moments ago. He removed his hand from your mouth.

“Com’on, let’s getcha up.”

A hand was stuck out in front of you and you went to grab it with your clean one, but winced upon moving it. You only now took in the friction burn.

You must have looked an absolute state to this boy in a trench coat standing before you. One hand drenched in honey, the other bright red, tears still coating your face.

Fuck, first impressions were never one of your talents.

But still, the boy was watching quietly as you took in that your hands were both unavailable, and without hesitation or asking, he knelt back down and grabbed your waist, swiftly lifting you to your feet; you tried to hide your second sharp inhale from his sudden contact.

“Got yourself in a bit of a state, haven’t you? Although when some assholes fuck with you I believe you earn the right to cause a scene. I’m surprised you didn’t punch them weeks ago, the extreme always seems to make an impression, and that would stop them from messing with you.”

You were yet to make proper eye contact with the boy, but you smiled at the floor.

“I’m afraid fighting back isn’t really my strong suit.”

A hand lifted your chin as the boy forced you to make contact with his piercing gaze.

“I’ve noticed.”

You pulled away from his hand and your eyes dropped back to the dingy tiles of the ground once more.

“Thank you for helping me up anyways. I didn’t catch your name?”

“I didn’t throw it. But since you are my… _damsel in distress-_ I’ll save you the suspense- it’s Jason Dean, JD for short.”

Every word he said was like a performance in itself, he was animated in his speech patterns as if reciting poetry.

He hovered above you height wise, but somehow even if he had of been shorter, his presence was enough to silently take over a room. You felt intimidated beside him, you wanted to regain some control.

“Well JD, I’m Winnie, but I’m not your damsel in distress. I’m a little sticky but just fine thank you.”

You laughed and lent sideways against a locker.

JD stood up straight and advanced closer to you, you instinctively turned to face him properly and felt your back hit the yellow lockers. He placed a large hand beside your head on the face of them. Boldly trying to look up at him you soon wished you hadn’t, he had a stifling determination which could have melted concrete.

“Are you sure about that Winnie? You know, I have lots of better things I could be doing right now, so don’t waste my time by lying.”

He had a syrup to his tone that you couldn’t help but feel could turn sour at the flick of a switch.

“Now let’s cut out the crap where you refuse my help and you come with me now.”

You were slightly stunned, confused even. Your words came out stilted.

“What kind of help?”

JD rolled his eyes; patience fizzling to nothing, you were grabbed by your good arm and pulled down the hallway.

A buzz of unease made itself known in your stomach.

“Where- where are we going?”

“To get you cleaned up, and then we’re gonna talk.”

You arrived outside the sludge green door to the girls bathroom and JD pushed it open with his elbow. You felt the need to quietly remind him:

“You’re not supposed to be in here…”

“You think anyone, including myself, gives a shit?”

That shut you up, so you stood awkwardly by the sinks and continued to take interest in the floor.

“Well hop on up, we ain’t got all night darling.”

He slapped the top of the line of sinks, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

The whole situation felt odd to you, you couldn’t work out exactly why you were going along with it, but still, you did.

After a moments hesitation, you jumped up to sit beside one of the sinks, shuffling to make sure you weren’t sitting in any water. Oh god, you were wearing a skirt- hastily you crossed your legs.

No sooner had you crossed them, two hands took hold of them and pulled them apart with such a force that you nearly fell forwards, you glared up at the boy who only revelled in your reaction with another smirk. JD positioned himself between them and held out his hand.

“Give me the sticky one first, can’t have you covering the place in that stuff now can we?”

You deliberately held out the one you’d scraped on the floor.

JD raised his eyebrows; it felt like a silent challenge. He grabbed your other hand and held it under the water while he tried to get the substance off of your palm.

“So Winnie, how long have you been at this school?”

“I don’t know like six, maybe seven weeks?”

“And how many times have the assholes who go here fucked with you?”

You shuffled uneasily, he noticed.

“I don’t know, but I’ll deal with them in my own time.”

“Well why haven’t you dealt with it already? Doesn’t take much to punch one of ‘em in the dick.”

You didn’t like him challenging you, this was none of his business.

“I’ve been busy okay? And it’s not a big deal.”

“Oh yeah it’s totally not a big deal, that’s why you were running down the hall in tears.”

His face was close to yours and his eyes demanding. You glared back at him, yanking your now clean hand out of his grasp.

As JD reached for the scraped one you pulled it back and held it tight within your other hand.

Seconds passed as the tension settled around you like an invisible fog.

Eventually, he let out a sigh and stepped back with his hands held up.

“Look I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you more upset. Now how’s about you let me clean up your other hand and then we can go get a slushie? Nothing like blended ice to numb the pain.” 

You tentatively brought your eyes up, afraid he was mocking you, but there was honesty in his gaze as he gave you a sweet grin. In that moment, your exterior shattered, there was no point fighting this boy. He was only trying to help and if tomorrow he didn’t even look at you in the corridors you may as well take what you got given.

You held out your scarlet hand, it wasn’t bad, but it was sore and not to mention hot. Suddenly struck with worry about letting JD touch it you tried to pull it out of reach again.

But the boy was quick and took a hold of it, he looked up and held your gaze deliberately.

He was surprisingly careful, yes he had a firm grip but was watching your every move to make sure he wasn’t hurting you.

“God you could light a cigarette on the heat coming off of this baby! You took the skin clean off.”

He examined it like a professional, turning it side to side in his grip.

“I think it’s just a friction burn, it’ll be fine after you run it under a little water and take care of it.”

He promptly held it under the cold tap, and you had to fight against jumping from the twinges of pain it produced. You started bouncing your right leg a little- JD’s eyes flicked back up to you, he placed his other hand on your leg, you couldn’t tell whether he was annoyed by your movements or actually trying to comfort you.

“It’ll stop hurting so much in a bit, just wait.”

Maybe it was the latter. You nodded.

“How do you know so much about burns then?”

You tried your best to make conversation, it wasn’t your best opening line you’d admit.

“Well-”

With a grunt, he jumped up on the other side of the sink.

“- when you get into fights you gotta look after yourself; you need to know a little about this kinda stuff. Or for situations such as this one.”

You scoffed.

“You mean when girls get tormented by the dicks who go here? Or when girls regularly run into you in the halls?”

“Neither, I just mean it helps to know stuff like this in advance.”

You turned the tap off and wiped your hands down your skirt. Pausing for thought, you sat in the ambience of the dripping taps.

“This may seem like a stupid question…”

“Now, there are no stupid questions.”

He countered in an instant, jumping down from the sinks, his trench coat falling into place behind with a satisfying thump, hands in pockets.

“Okay well, why are you helping me JD?”

“Ah well… like many things in life that question has multiple answers.”

For the second time today, the boy grabbed you by the waist and helped you down off of the line of sinks. You fell into him and hastily pulled back, feeling that you had been in close proximity for far too long.

“Well what are the answers then?” You crossed your arms.

“One, I’ve got nothing better to do, two, you probably would still be lying on the floor if I didn’t help, and three, I don’t like seeing assholes mess with innocent and untainted girls.”

You laughed, who did this boy think he was?

“I’m not innocent, or untainted.”

“Yeah? Well if you’re so _not_ innocent and untainted, you won’t mind if I do this.”

You were abruptly pushed up against the wall and JD’s hands were back around your waist, his face millimetres from yours, and sirens went off in your brain. His nose touched your own, his breath on your cheek, his eyes daring you to do _something_. He was impossibly close, testing you, and you were afraid he was likely to win. Bend his fingers right back, kick him: all logical options your brain tried to put forward. But god knows why you chose the option to freeze. You found the courage to spit a few words at him, but your cool exterior was ruined by the glitch in your speech.

“Get the fuck off of me y-you psycho.”

JD released you immediately, he could tell that he’d scared you and right now, that wasn’t on his itinerary. Bur he _was_ trying to get a reaction from you, and wasn’t going to stop until it was the right one. You shook your head in fury and made your way to the door. Within an instant, the boy was in front of it, blocking the exit. He tried a final time to get what he wanted.

“Hey hey I didn’t say there was anything wrong with the way you are now did I? I just wanted to prove a point. God if you’re gonna stop people from messing with you we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

And with that you snapped. This whole situation was messed up, what right did he have to barge in like this and judge you? Why did he have a say in what _work_ there was to do?

“Oh fuck you!” You screamed and shoved his chest.

He barely flinched, and a grin broke across his face as he watched what unfolded. You screamed at him, and he couldn’t have looked more proud of his work.

“Jason Dean, you may come in here and try to intimidate me, and I may be untainted or whatever you want to _fucking_ call it, but I am not naïve, and don’t think for one _second_ that whatever game you’re playing will get past me.” 

You were breathing heavily as you took steps away from the boy- then slid down the wall with your head in your hands, the emotional roller coaster you’d been on in the last half an hour came crashing down.

In the quiet of the bathroom, JD took three steps towards you which echoed off of the walls.

“Finally got what I was looking for… knew I’d find the fire in there somewhere.”

You stayed silent for a minute, head still in your hands.

“Look Winnie, I’m sorry, I probably haven’t made the best first impression. Let me reintroduce myself:”

At that you raised your head a little, intrigued by the performance the boy was going to the effort to make.

“Greetings and salutations, I’m Jason Dean. I’ve been to enough high schools to know girls like you are not naïve, and you’ve got more of a soul than most of the idiots that go here. I just think you need a little… _guidance_ , shall we say, in keeping the idiots in their place. So come on, let’s go get a slushie.”

JD stood in front of you, this time offering a hand. You looked at it, then grasped it with your own and were lifted off of the floor. 

You began to make your way to the door. You could walk away from this boy here and now, forget this strange event ever happened and carry on with your life. But you didn’t. Instead, you turned around and said with a smirk:

“Only if it’s cherry.”


	2. Slushies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slushies and a bit o’ backstory and sexual tension.

Making your way out into the school car park together, JD turned to you, looking a little awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“My apologies, usually I take my bike to school, but it’s in the shop havin’ some work done.”

You shook your head with a smile, you’d admit, his concern was endearing.

“It’s only a short walk to the convenience store. And I don’t think I’d be happy getting on the back of a bike anyway, those things are death traps.”

JD raised his eyebrows and laughed.

“What, do you not trust my driving skills?”

You turned to look at the boy you were walking alongside, silently taking note of his large strides. He had such a casualness to his presence yet still managed to demand attention.

“It’s not you, it’s statistics. Do you know how many accidents happen involving motorcycles every year?”

“No I don’t, but I think _you_ worry too much.”

The boy poked you in the arm to punctuate his ‘you’.

“Whatever, I just prefer to be safe rather than sorry.”

You walked without speaking for a moment, you didn’t like the atmosphere of awkward silence that was building… which resulted in you blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

“So, JD… if you had the option, would you rather go back in time and meet a famous poet or a famous artist?”

He turned to you with his eyebrows knitted together, confusion evident.

“What kind of a question is that?”

“Well, you’ve all but kidnapped me, I may as well get to know my captor.”

“Hey now, no one said you had to come with me did they?”

“No, they didn’t.”

Your words were quiet and you rubbed your fingers against your lips, all too aware that JD had caught you out there. He stole a look at you, and smirked to himself.

“I guess I’d say a famous poet.”

“I thought so.”

You came to a crossing and JD placed a hand on your back with such ease to usher you across. Nothing seemed off the cards or too much for him, you didn’t know whether to be repulsed or in awe.

“Oh yeah? Why is that?”

He turned to look at you once more, blinking with expectancy of an answer.

“Well, you’re often carrying a book of poetry around, it seems to be much more your area.”

JD began to look at you with more curiosity, tilting his head.

“You often sit alone at lunch reading, I would imagine you’d find more interest in picking the brains of someone who expresses emotions in the form of words than in art. And I’ve seen you in English, it’s the only class you actually work hard in so that’s even more evidence. And…”

You tailed off, your face felt hot. Why did you always do this? Now he was going to think you were a freak. You didn’t dare look at the boy beside you in your embarrassment.

“Well that is all true, my my Miss Winnie, you don’t miss much do you?”

“It’s not just you, I… I just notice things about people you know? I know I sound like a creepy stalker now but I promise I’m not.”

You gulped and stared at the ground, not wishing to dwell on the topic. Your face couldn’t get any redder and your voice couldn’t get any quieter.

You could tell JD had his eyes on you, you self consciously played with the charm bracelet on your wrist, twirling it round and round. JD cleared his throat.

“Since you seem to know a lot about me, I think I’ve earned the right to quiz you. So uh… what’s your favourite subject?”

“Well I like history the most. Relating the events of the past to the present to adapt and learn just appeals to me I guess.”

“Huh, so you’re a learn from your mistakes kinda girl. What subject do you hate the most then?”

You scoffed. That was an easy answer.

“Oh gym for sure. That’s when the jocks are able to…”

You tailed off for the second time, realising you were about to stray into the territory you had fought so hard to avoid earlier. Damn your carelessness.

“Ah, so Winnie, you’ve brought me back to the question I wanted to ask you. I’m afraid I didn’t just invite you here for small talk, so I’ll just come out with it. I wanna know why you don’t fight back when the jocks mess with you.”

You’re head turned towards him, minor alarm evident behind your wide eyes even though you expected the question. You knew the answer, but same as earlier, you weren’t prepared to respond.

He narrowed his own eyes, curious as to your reaction.

“I already told you, I just haven’t had the chance.”

Your words were cool, defensive, trying to play off your immediate reaction.

“Now I think we both know that’s not true, don’t we?”

His words were placed with caution and bordered on gentle- he was trying a different tac to earlier. But his deliberately sweet tone wasn’t going to work on you.

“I’ll think you’ll find it is.”

You offered no more of a response and gave him a pointed glance, hoping to show him that this conversation was not going to happen now.

He took the hint, and slid with surprising ease into another topic.

“So, what’s you’re life like outside of the shit-heap we call school? You work in the FBI or CIA? With your crazy sharp levels of observational skills I wouldn’t be surprised.”

In passing, you noticed that he didn’t critique you on your freaky talent, that was a first.

“Nothing special really, I live at home with my mum, she’s partially sighted, so a lot of my life consists of making sure she’s okay and stuff. It wasn’t always like that though, she was in a car crash when I was little and glass got in her eyes from the windshield breaking.”

You talked so casually, surprised at yourself for your ability to just tell this boy you met an hour ago all about your life. You’d rattled the story off so often that it was second nature. Still, you blamed his seemingly magnetic quality for your ease of speech.

He made a noise of acknowledgement and looked in front at the path ahead, seemingly digesting what you’d told him.

Damn, you felt bad for making things awkward now. Before you could apologise, JD filled the silence.

“I’m sorry about your mother, that can’t be easy.”

You shrugged.

“It is what it is. And she’s so much better now and can get by almost independently.”

You both walked in the quiet of each other’s company for a moment. Then you turned to him.

“So what about you? What’s your life like?”

“Not much to tell really- I live with my dad. My mum died when I was a kid, she committed suicide. But we get by pretty well considering.”

You turned to the boy beside you in shock, your eyes wide.

“I’m sorry about your mum, god I feel guilty now for spewing my sop story when I’ve clearly got it lucky.”  
You brought a palm up to your forehead, worry shimmering behind your eyes.

“Nah don’t say that, all our lives got static right? And you can’t compare someone else’s static with your own, it doesn’t work that way.”

You nodded, still anxious that you may have annoyed him.

“Will you stop biting your lip? You’re gonna chew through it enough to make a hole for a piercing at this rate.”

You hadn’t even realised you’d been doing it, but you stopped at his request.

Arriving at the entrance to the convenience store, JD held the door open- you thanked him and wandered in. You had been wearing heels all day and although they weren’t high, your ankles weren’t exactly enraptured by your impromptu walk here. You leant down to rub at one of them.

“Your ankles giving you grief? I don’t know how you girls wear those things all day.”

You smiled and tilted your head.

“Well it’s not exactly an ideal, but sometimes it’s nice to not be miles shorter than everyone else.”

“Oh come on you’re not that tiny! But they do show off your legs I gotta say.”

JD’s casual flirt caught you off guard, you weren’t sure how to react but tried your best to play it cool.

“Oh yeah? Well that’s one good thing I’ve got going for me.”

He smirked and tilted his head away from you, speaking in a hushed tone but just loud enough to be heard:

“Well, you’ve got a lot of good things going for ya.”

At that comment, you would’ve found yourself in a heap on the floor if it wasn’t for a nearby counter. You clutched onto it and stared with wide eyes at the boy’s back. Well, you certainly didn’t have a ‘cool’ response for that.

JD made his way over to the self serve slushie machine and remembered your request of cherry without asking again, also getting a lime flavoured one for himself. As he filled the cups he turned back to you.

“So your mum, you say you help her out, is it just you doing all that stuff or..?”

“Yeah, my dad left us before I was born, he sends money for me. And she’s not an extreme enough case to need any extra help.”

JD nodded and placed lids on the cups.

“So, you ever met your dad?”

“Nah, I’ve thought about doing it though, he always puts the return address on the money he sends through. I once went to his house and nearly knocked on the door, but I decided that’s not a book I want to open if you know what I mean.”

“That’s fair enough, and I guess some books have a time and a place to be opened.”

“Yeah, maybe one day I’ll meet him, it’d be hard, but I’m stronger than I look you know.”

You grinned and learnt back and forth on your heels as JD looked you up and down.

“I’m sure you are.”

You stood in line next to each other, you were awfully aware of his trench coat brushing against your leg. He was studying you and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?”

Lifting a finger from one of the slushies he pointed at your head.

“You’re losin’ your hair slides. Hold these.”

You took the cold cups as his hands came up to your head. He placed one on the back of your hair and with the other you could feel him adjusting the grips. You looked up at his face and studied it. He had unique features that you’d say classified as attractive. His dark hair looked surprisingly soft, you wondered if he spent much time looking after it.

You were jolted back to the present by a quiet laugh from JD, who was staring back at you in amusement. You hurried to look anywhere but his face.

“Adding to your list of observations I see. Find anything interesting?”

He took his hands off your head, but didn’t step back from his close proximity.

“There ya go, good as new.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re interesting, you know that? One minute you’re all defensive and strong-willed and the next you’re shy like a deer in headlamps. I’d love to know what’s going on in that head.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“I could say the same for you..” You countered, once again playing with the charm bracelet on your wrist, hastily wanting to change the subject.

“So come on, I’ve told you enough about my life that you could go write my biography already, what about you? Uh… what’s your dad like?”

“As I said, not much to tell, but he owns a deconstruction company.”

“Wait… Jason Dean- so is your dad’s company ‘Big Bud Dean Construction’?”

JD let out a small sigh.

“That’s the one.”

Before you could respond, you were cut off by an employee shouting at some kids who were running for the door. The didn’t get far before a security guard got involved and an argument began between the kids and him. You couldn’t quite make out what they were saying as they were on the other side of the store.

“What do you think’s going on over there?” You asked JD.

“Probably just some kids stealing shit, happens all too often in this place.”

All of a sudden, it was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over your head. You were back at your locker remembering that sickening feeling that came from seeing your property messed with and stolen. But it was that undercurrent of fear- you couldn’t understand what it meant, there was something more but you couldn’t find it. You tried to level with the emotions like stirring a pot on the edge of boiling. Not now. You didn’t want to deal with this now.

You were staring the other way to JD, but he noticed your slight change in demeanour, you let out a harsh breath and played with your fingers.

“Hey, what is it?”

“What? Oh nothing, just thinking about some homework I’ve gotta get done.”

You bet he wasn’t convinced, he wasn’t stupid. But the moment dissolved as you were next in line. You managed to bargain with the feelings for the time being.

Despite the boy telling you a little more about his life, you still felt he had an element of mystery to him. He was always so collected when he spoke as if reading a script, but he didn’t give away too much. You wanted more from him, but you didn’t know how or what to ask.

You left the store and JD handed you your slushie. There was an empty bench across the road and you pointed to it, raising your eyebrows as a silent question while you sucked on the straw.

“After you.”

Sitting down, you felt a question brewing in the back of your mind. For some reason you we’re afraid to ask it, it wasn’t even a big deal… but it was more the avenues it may open that you were afraid of. You couldn’t make sense of what he was doing with you: JD wasn’t exactly the kind of guy who just hung out with girls like you for the sake of it. That was it, you just wanted to know his intentions. Oh god that made you sound like an over-protective parent! And what if-

“Jeez I can hear the cogs in your brain turning from here! Come on, I can tell you got somethin’ you wanna ask me, you may as well say it before your brain catches ablaze.”

You forced out a breath, turning a little to look at him.

“Why- why did you try and make me angry earlier? I just don’t understand what… I mean- ”

You got caught up in your words, unsure of how to phrase the question; your eyebrows knitted together and you took another sip of your slushie.

“Winnie, I’ve seen you at lunch. When the jocks mess with you… well you just let them! You don’t even show any glimpse of thinking about fighting back. It drives me insane, so when you fell into my path today I saw an opportunity. I made you angry ‘cause I wanted to see what I could get out of you!”

You stared at the boy beside you. You could see it now, his way of dealing with problems was to get angry and fight. That was what he believed in and he was trying to help you by imparting this perceived wisdom. He was staring back at you, as if trying to read your mind.

“You don’t get it, do you?” You spoke quietly.

“Well how could I get anything when you keep pushing me away?”

You forced out a sigh. Fine. You’d explain it to him, he’d probably laugh and call you weak, but at this point there wasn’t much for you to lose.

“Look, I told you my favourite subject was history because we learn from it, and what I have learned from it is this: a lot of fuckery has gone on in the world where people have fought to solve issues. And all I have learnt is that fighting causes pain and doesn’t solve the matter. For me, if you hurt another human then for one, you are putting yourself on the line, but most importantly you are just twisting the gears tighter and tighter as you make everyone more angry. And then there will come a point where you can’t undo the gears. It just makes finding the solution more messed up. So I may not have a solution, and yes I pay the price for not fighting back. But for me that’s a damn sight better than lowering myself to their level.”

By the time you had finished with your outburst, you were red in the face and out of breath. And all JD could do was stare at you. You wished you could read his mind, work out whether he thought your views were founded in stupidity. You opted to let him think for a bit, the both of you drinking your slushies.

Leaning forward with arms on his knees, JD looked at you.

“Where the fuck did you come from?”

You nearly burst out laughing, but you brought your lips into a thin line and waited.

“Look, I may not agree with your opinion, in fact I find it borders on frustrating. But, you are intriguing, and I gotta say, you must be one strong girl to maintain those morals. So I accept your reason, but be prepared that now we’ve met, just because you’re not gonna fight for yourself, doesn’t mean I won’t.”

The boy who sat beside you was your polar opposite. He saw fighting as the way forwards when you saw it as the way backwards. And yet, he still admired your ways, very much so. But instead of causing a divide, you felt an invisible energy attracting you towards him. Both of you saw mystery and intrigue in the other, and my god it was enough to get drunk on.

“What if I don’t want you to fight for me?”

“What if I told you that you didn’t have a choice?”

Your head whipped around to JD, who’s voice had suddenly gotten much louder as he had slipped closer to you on the bench. Your eyes flicked over his features, unsure of what he was doing. His face hovered close to yours and you could feel that weird electric energy that comes from another human being so close. Your eyes met his, they were impossibly dark. You gulped.

“I’d say… I’d say we will see about tha-.”

You had barely finished your sentence when his cold lips moulded with yours. You gasped, your hands flying up, unsure how you wanted to respond. But as you felt one of his hands come to frame your jaw, your mind went blank.

Your hands found his hair- you were right- it was soft. His other was pressing into your lower back, pulling you closer to him.You shifted on the bench to face him better, your empty slushie cups now forgotten.

You could taste the faint but still sharp lime on his tongue, and you bet he could taste the sweet cherry on yours. Although your mouths and cheeks were bitterly cold, the heat radiating off of his body was unmistakable, you found yourself clutching at his black cotton shirt as you took a shuddering breath through your nose, the hand on your jaw tightened its grip just a little. In that moment you couldn’t think of anything else, every sense you owned had been hijacked.

With a start, you both pulled away. You didn’t dare look at him and you hid your face in your palms, still painfully aware of the hand on your back. You could feel an avalanche of thoughts building in your mind, and you forced them back as far as you could for the moment, they could wait.

“Jesus… um… thank you?”

JD laughed loudly, startling you.

“Well well, I’ve never had a girl thank me for kissing her but it makes a nice change.”

You shoved him in the chest.

“Shut up,” You groaned.

“I’ve not… I’m no good at this stuff.”

JD lifted your chin and forced you to look at him. He still had a raw sort of look in his eyes, his pupils dilated.

“I’d beg to differ.”

You let your head fall tentatively into his chest, your brain was overwhelmed by the events of the day.

“Uh… so… what does all this mean?”

“It means that you’ve got yourself a bodyguard darling.”

Your head shot up and you spluttered.

“JD, I don’t need a bodyguard.”

He smirked and exhaled out of his nose.

“ _We will see about that, won’t we?_ ”


	3. Possessive Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer/ minor warning:  
> Opinions of characters are not my own and are fictional devices as part of the plot, I’m not trying to promote any particular behaviours or relationship dynamics or anything like that.
> 
> There are minor scenes and references to harassment in this chapter but nothing major happens but if that sort of thing bothers you then please look after yourself and don’t read this.
> 
> Usual reminder that this is an OC insert where you embody my OC Winnie.
> 
> I also heavily apologise for being awful at naming chapters. 
> 
> Eek this is probably getting more terrible by the minute but thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.

Three weeks had passed since you met JD that afternoon, and somehow, _somehow_ you found yourself dating him.

You’d been getting lunch the day after the locker incident when he’d kissed you for the second time, he sat with you for that lunch as if he’d been doing it for years, and he continued to do it for the rest of the week- you hadn’t complained.

The relationship that developed between you was certainly not one of convention, both of you silently fighting for control and you’d admit with mostly JD winning, but you were stubborn and had a lot of pride, you weren’t prepared to just give in all the time.

And yet this dynamic did not cause conflict in your relationship, oh far from it, it was a bonding mechanism; a spark of energy that had drawn you together in the first place.

You would spend hours with him just examining you like a work of art, he was fascinated by you and the way you thought. And as for you, you would be lying if he didn’t fascinate you too, your personality was one of analysis and he was no exception to your habit. And the fact he didn’t seem to mind when you suddenly blurted out some detail that you had deduced about him just strengthened your attraction.

The third time he kissed you was after school in the library, and that was when you just… _found out_ you were his girlfriend; with him just boldly assuming you were dating without any previous clarification.

————————————————————————————————————————————

You had a textbook open in front of you, a pen in one hand and notebook propped on your knees against the table. But you weren’t paying attention to your work, you were watching the clusters of people moving through the library. People watching was a guilty pleasure of yours, you especially liked to drink in details of students here because you were rarely caught out, they were all minding their own business. You didn’t realise that you yourself were being watched from afar.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

JD had come to understand your routine now, he had worked out where he was likely to find you most of the time and would just turn up, casually joining whatever you happened to be doing. Today was no exception, but upon entering the library and seeing your eyes gently wandering over people, he found it amusing to simply observe when you were unaware of him. He knew exactly what you were doing, he had come to realise that you knew more about people than they would ever know, but you’d never use the information against them; another fact which baffled him. How could someone who got mindlessly picked on by everyone around them not be willing to use the resources they had at their disposal? But that was all part of why he liked you- why he was drinking in every detail about you. You were something new.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Your favourite thing to notice about people was their shoes, you could find out a lot about them from that. Especially if-

You jolted in your seat as you felt hands gripping your shoulders from behind. Tipping your head backwards, you found the grinning face of JD gazing down at you, you immediately relaxed on realising it was only him.

“God JD you scared me!”

He leant down to kiss you, you were still not over how casual he could be with physical affection.

“M’sorry,” he began as he pulled away, reaching over to grab a chair in one swift motion. He sat on it backwards as per usual.

“My my, you were really caught up in somethin’, find anything interesting today?”

You blinked twice before realising that he was referring to your observational pass-time, you were no longer shy with him about it and openly discussed certain findings.

“Not today, the more _interesting_ people have gone to Ram’s party.”

JD nodded with a small noise of acknowledgement.

“Anyway, what brings you here? Do you need anything?”

You replaced your pen lid before giving him your full attention.

“What? A guy can’t just pass by to see his girlfriend?”

Upon processing his words, you suppressed a double-take. Damn he was smooth, and if you didn’t know him better you would say he bordered on conceited.

“Girlfriend?” You spoke quietly, trying and failing to hide your smile.

He grinned at you. “Yeah, girlfriend. You okay with that?”

You nodded, biting your lip.

“Oh I should think so.”

——————————————————————————————————————————-

So the weeks had passed, and you had grown closer to your boyfriend. As he had implied on your first meeting, he was protective of you.

_‘It means that you’ve got yourself a bodyguard darling.’_

You recalled the outrage you’d felt at that line, you still felt some of that now, but in truth it didn’t bother you as much. Since getting to know you better, you knew he had accepted that the more he tried to control and protect you, the more you would push him away. So he had settled on a compromise.

Generally, walking around school with him meant people left you alone, his reputation for fighting acting as a shield. But he’d never been with you yet when you’d been directly taunted or messed with. When that day came you imagined that he was unlikely to let it slide. But until then, you’d sit in the comfortable equilibrium you’d found.

But deep down you knew it wouldn’t be long before the day came where you’d have to confront the reason you’d bumped into JD in the first place- the shadows that taunted you were never going to stay away forever.

Changing into gym clothes was never an exhilarating event in itself for anyone, but for you it always marked the start of something worse. Without fail, every gym class you found yourself plagued by the jocks, they sometimes made fun of you which wasn’t great, but you could handle it. Or the worse option was when they hit on you and got a rise out of making you uncomfortable. All you could do was hope for the lesser of the two sins.

Pushing the door of the changing room open, you hurried your way down the corridor to the gym hall.

Theoretically the jocks were still able to mess with you during class, but you had a veil of safety in the company of others. Although they wouldn’t help, there was only so much the boys could do to you when others were around. You had changed in record time to get in there and could see the door only a little way off.

But you never made it to the door.

You became aware of a large presence either side of you. You kept walking, not acknowledging whoever it was.

“You know, it’s rude not to say hello Winnie!”

You’d recognise that voice a mile off: Ram Sweeney. You assumed the other looming figure was his confrere: Kurt Kelly.

You continued to ignore them both, increasing your walking pace a little. But before you could get much further, both boys were in front of you, towering above as they blocked the way.

“Now that’s just bad manners Miss Robinson! Say hello before you hurt Ram’s feelings!”

Kurt’s voice was positively dripping in that smarmy sarcasm the pair loved to use.

You closed your eyes and sighed deeply, realising you couldn’t block this out any longer, your plan of getting into the hall early backfiring completely. You were now alone in the corridor with two idiots. Stupid, but undeniably strong idiots.

“Hi Kurt.” Your voice was deadpan, not looking at either of them as you tried to keep walking around them. Ram grabbed your shoulders and stood directly in front of you, forcing you to look at him.

“Hey I’m here too you know- aren’t you gonna say hello?”

You shook yourself with enough force to rid your shoulders of his hands, give him a dark glare.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Aw come on, you can’t deny us forever, ‘specially when you’re wearing those shorts. ”

You scoffed, although you were maintaining a standoffish exterior, inside you could feel the prickles of unease in your stomach. You turned on your heel to head in the other direction, if you could get back to the girls changing rooms then you would be temporarily safe at least.

You’d barely taken a step when both jocks were closing in on you, forcing you to back up into the lockers which you hit with a clatter.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I forgot my water bottle. Now if you two _gentlemen_ could kindly get out of my way then I can go back and get it.”

You couldn’t help but imagine JD’s voice in your ear telling you to punch them, but your morals held strong, you didn’t want to hurt them. But despite your morals, the truth was that you still wanted out of this situation, you made a firm move to try and exit but were forced backwards by one large hand.

“You’re not going anywhere, _sweetheart_.”

With that sentence, the embers in your stomach ignited into alarming flames, you felt a powerful urge to push through them, but it was as if someone had locked you in place. Your bones felt brittle and your muscles like stone. You were completely unable to move.

“I suggest you leave her alone.”

A cold voice broke through the silence. You knew the voice all too well, and confirming your identification, JD came into view behind the two jocks that still cornered you against the lockers. They both slowly turned to face your boyfriend.

“Oh yeah? What’s it to you dickhead?”

Ram’s words came out with venom, the reality of the situation settled with a stark clarity. A million different scenarios of what was to come flew through your head. But before another word could be spoken, the gym door slammed open to reveal your sweaty gym coach. He eyed up the jocks, you were mercifully hidden from view by their towering forms.

“Kelly! Sweeney! Get yourselves in here immediately before I make you do laps of the football field!”

He disappeared back into the hall, leaving you all frozen in the corridor.

The jocks turned to look at one another, evidently having a silent conversation. They then both turned to your boyfriend with a glare.

“This isn’t over.” Ram spoke, his words sour.

Both turned to you with a smirk before they strutted off in the direction of the gym.

You were left alone in the hallway with your boyfriend, your eyes fell to the ground, you became awfully aware of how your breaths were coming in and out with uneven shudders.

“Are you alright? They didn’t hurt you did they?”

You shook your head quickly.

“No no I’m good.” Your voice sounded raw, and your words came out rushed.

“I should get to gym.”

You turned to go, conscious of how shaken up you were. You didn’t want to have this conversation with JD, although he’d seen you shaken up the first time he’d met you, that was different. This time he’d seen you directly at the hands of your tormentors, your passing statements of being able to ‘deal with it’ being proven wrong in one swift altercation. You hated to admit it, but you knew your pride had taken the hardest blow.

Before you could take even a step, JD’s hand came up to your jaw and you jumped a little at the contact. A pained look flitted briefly over his face but it was soon masked. This was the first time you’d ever seen real concern in JD’s eyes, he looked you up and down with straight lips before his eyes landed on yours.

“You sure you wanna go in there? ‘cause you don’t look okay to me.”

You could feel the tell-tail prickling of tears in your eyes. You were still trembling from the adrenaline.

Before you could get a handle on your state, your body took matters of gaining equilibrium into its own hands and the tears spilled over. You rushed to wipe them away.

“Fuck. Sorry.”

JD shook his head. “Don’t apologise, come on.”

You felt a steady hand around your waist and the other on your arm; leading you away from the gym.

“But what about class?” You stuttered out.

“You’re not going to gym class today.”

He didn’t miss the worry that filled your eyes.

“It’s fine, you won’t get kicked out for missing one lesson. Just come with me darlin’.”

You went quiet and allowed yourself to be led by your boyfriend.

He lead you to the underside of the raked seating by the football field, it was completely empty and you doubted that anyone would be able to find you. JD let go of you and made himself comfortable on the ground, effortlessly leaning against the metal framework. He opened his legs and patted the ground between them.

You dropped down and joined him, he pulled your back to his stomach and looped one arm around you securely, his other hand came up to play with the clips in your hair, a guilty pleasure of his you found him partaking in more often than he’d admit. 

“God you’re still tense as a fuck. Relax, no one’s gonna hurt you now alright?”

He was making an effort to soften his voice, you forced yourself to let go of the grip you had over your muscles.

You let him play with the clips in your hair a little longer in silence before deciding to speak.

“Thank you for helping me. I… I would have done something but you beat me to it.”

You gave a half-hearted laugh, unconvincing.

You heard a sigh from your boyfriend, he knew all too well what may of happened if he hadn’t of intervened.

“Those dickheads are lucky that Edwards came out when he did or I would have cracked their fucking skulls open.”

You flinched, there it was, the flames behind the calm exterior. You spoke gently, tentatively, and placed a hand over his.

“JD, I am grateful that you stepped in to help, but I wouldn’t want you to hurt them, you know that.”

“So what would you have done then? Just let them do whatever they wanted with you? Because if I hadn’t of come by when I did I fucking doubt you would have come away _spick and span_.”

You could feel the anger coming off him in harsh waves, the arm around you tightening protectively.

“Hey listen, I know that they have filthy intentions but doesn’t me hurting them make me just as bad?”

JD let out an exasperated groan.

“Don’t you get it? You would be defending yourself! Fine, you don’t want to beat the shit out of them, but if you don’t at least stop yourself from getting hurt then you’re being fucking brainless, not morally correct or whatever the fuck this act is!”

The harsh vitality of his words cut straight through you. Although they felt cruel, you knew there was some truth in them. You had to find some way of dealing with this, you didn’t want to fight but you saw now that it didn’t make you a martyr to grin and bare it, it made you foolish.

JD was breathing heavily behind you, the anger now ebbing away as ripples from a stone in a lake.

“You’re right.” You didn’t say anything more as it pained you to do so. But it was enough for the boy behind you to kiss the back of your head. He seemed to be gathering his own words as what he wanted to say pained him equally.

“I’m sorry I was a bit, _blunt_.”

He shuffled uncomfortably.

“I just… look. Dicks like them don’t deserve to get away with hurting people; especially if that person is you.”

You blushed, grateful your face wasn’t visible from this angle.

“Winnie, you may be infuriating, but you’re worth protecting. Which is my job.”

JD squeezed your middle.

“And why is that your job?”

“Because you’re mine.” His words were playful, but his possessive instincts shimmered behind them as he placed kisses along your collarbone; you shuddered a little at the contact.

A month ago you would have balked at someone saying you were _theirs_ ; regardless of the playfulness. But now, you found yourself not particularly fazed. The idea of wanting to resist blurred into the distance by his touch.

You both sat in the quiet of each other’s company for a while, collecting thoughts.

You played with the edge of his trench coat sleeve as you decided the best way to approach what you wanted to say.

“I get it now, I shouldn’t allow them to get away with this anymore, I… I was letting them walk all over me.”

You began quietly, JD waited for you to continue.

“But I’m going to find my own way to stop this without hurting them okay? And that means… that means I don’t want you to hurt them either.”

You turned to face him in his lap, putting a finger to his lip as you anticipated he was going to challenge your claim.

“Just hear me out. I promise you that I won’t let them do this anymore, if you promise to let me deal with it my own way. I can do this, I just need you to _let me_.”

“But what about earlier? You just froze and if I hadn’t of-”

You grabbed his hand once more.

“I know you want to protect me, defend me, but I _get it_ now. So _please_ just let me do this.”

You pleaded with him, forcing yourself to hold eye contact to prove your point.

You could see the powerful side of him raring to refuse, but for the first time since you’d met him, he actually handed you the reins. Well, to the extent his body would let him.

“On one condition, if I’m around and I see things are gonna go to shit, I’m not just leaving you to get fucked up, are we clear?”

You nodded and moved to meet his lips with yours.

“Crystal.”


	4. Nightmares and Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes a real side-step into a plot avenue that I have been edging towards bit by bit so here goes.  
> Slight warning for a vivid description of a nightmare that may be mildly angsty although I wouldn’t credit my writing enough to say it would scare you that much- it’s more a plot mechanism than anything.  
> I won’t lie I’m slightly unsure of this chapter but anyway here it is. I hope you enjoy the bit of fluff that I managed to sneak in because I couldn’t resist.  
> I also apologise for the chapter name as I know it’s awful.
> 
> Reminder that this is an OC insert where you embody my OC Winnie.

Promising JD you would deal with the jocks was a decision made to bide time; not because you had a plan. The truth was, you didn’t have a clue how you were going to deal with them… all you knew was that your boyfriend’s violent instincts needed to be held off at all costs. And over the next few weeks, you were thankfully left alone by them for the most part, you had the blessing of time to work out what the hell you were going to do. You tried to push the thought from your mind that they were likely planning something far worse.

But the one thing which continued to grow was your curiosity for JD’s nature. He could be impulsive, violent and yet at other times he seemed so much more gentle and calculated. You figured it was down to the company he was with and whether he thought they deserved his patience. But you knew the roots of his behaviour lay within his childhood. He’d been moved around all his life without a mother after all. When you finally met his dad, everything became clear. Destruction was the answer to this boy because that was how his father had found success and dealt with his own problems. His house felt devoid of love and humility, and yet JD still possessed these qualities himself- they were just well hidden and only came out in small bursts. You secretly hoped that you were helping to develop those feelings within him, but the dangerous side of him was something more complex, and you weren’t stupid enough to tamper with it as freely.

You knew the day would come when your mother would meet JD, and when it did you couldn’t have been more nervous. But you needn’t have worried for he had a sense of ease around her; a comfortable atmosphere settled in the room that you hadn’t quite expected.

There was respect between them which had you wondering over the relationship of JD and his own mother. Had he felt maternal love once? Maybe meeting your mother was like bathing in a bittersweet nostalgia of that feeling. And maybe he didn’t realise it, but deep down he longed for that affection he no longer had access to, so respected the maternal instincts and love your mother gave to you.   
  


As for your mother’s take on the boy- later that evening you had anxiously asked for her opinion.

“He seems like a sweet boy, has a charming way with words doesn’t he?”

You’d agreed with her, he always had a way of speaking so poetically, even if the words were crass in themselves they’d come out as a form of literature.

“So you like him them?’

“Oh definitely sweetheart. But let me give you one piece of advice, no matter how wonderful a boy may seem, never let them make you think you need them, you are self-sufficient you hear me?”

You nodded, walking over to the doorway, but your mum continued.

“He seems like a great boy Winnie, but just always be… _careful_. With charm like his he could get away with murder.”

You breathed out a laugh as you placed a hand on the doorframe.

“I’m always careful mum, you know that.”

  
——————————————————————————————————-

Your mother’s words had followed you round for the next few days. Not for the fact that you thought you needed to be more careful, but for wondering what experience had compelled her to say them. You knew your dad had left her long ago, but when you asked she simply refused to talk about him, saying he wasn’t a part of her life for long and she didn’t wish to dwell on passing ships. To assume he’d put her through shit was the obvious explanation, but it left an ache in your stomach to think she held whatever suffering she had experienced locked inside her head. 

“Hey! You still alive in there?”

You were startled out of your daydream by JD thrusting a slushie into your palms. You were sitting on the bench opposite the convenience store, the last of the daylight slowly fading.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about how good you were with my mum the other night, she really likes you you know.”

He rested himself back on the bench with a smirk.

“Well, I’m an easy to like kinda guy.”

“ _Well_ mister, I don’t think everyone would agree with that.” You wiggled your eyebrows playfully.

He feigned a look of shock.

“How dare you, I’ll have you know I’m very… agreeable.”

You shook your head with a laugh as JD continued to talk.

“Nah but I liked your mum, she seems real’ nice. It’s hard to believe that your dad left her.”

You nearly choked on your drink as JD so casually brought up your dad, unaware of how he’d inadvertently read you mind. You brushed it off as a cough before replying.

“I know. There’s so much I wish I could ask her, but she will never tell me anything.”

JD sighed with a raise of an eyebrow, looking straight ahead.

“Yeah well I guess we’ve all got our secrets. Maybe she’ll tell you in time.”

“I doubt it.”

You picked at your nail varnish with a frown.

  
  


Startling you once more, some kids came sprinting out of the convenience store with a red-faced security guard racing after them.

JD shook his head as his eyes followed them across the car park.

“Those kids’ll never learn, if they wanna get away with stealing they can’t case the same place twice.”

You almost ignored JD’s controversial joke as the slushie turned sour in your mouth. You had been trying your hardest to ignore the fear that had been licking at your stomach for the past few weeks, but here it was yet again. Stealing was not something which had ever bothered you before, or at least not to this extent. But over the past few weeks, your reaction to it had been growing and growing. It was a common occurrence within your school so you had been faced with the emotions on a regular basis; and the worst thing was you still didn’t understand why.

JD nudged your arm, breaking you out of your trance.

“Stop doin’ that, you keep zoning out lately it’s kinda freaky. Something bothering you?”

You shook your head.

“Is it the jocks? ‘cause I swear if I find out-”

You hurried to reassure him.

“No no its not the jocks. Just thinking about stuff I’ve got to do for school.”

Your boyfriend didn’t look convinced. You hadn’t exactly told the truth but you weren’t lying when you said it wasn’t the jocks. You just didn’t want to explain, didn’t know _how_ to explain what was happening with you. The strangest things were making you on edge, not just the stealing, and you didn’t want to talk about it until you’d worked out what it all meant. 

JD was staring at you with suspicion, but he knew by now that pushing you was unlikely to come of anything. So he dropped it with a small sigh- but _you_ knew he was unlikely to forget about it. Grabbing his hand, you dragged him up off the bench.

“Come on it’s getting dark, let’s go home.”

  
———————————————————————————————————

More and more you’d begun staying the night round JD’s. His father was too blasé to care, he barely noticed you were there half the time. And your mother was surprisingly okay about it, she’d never been the overly protective type you supposed, she knew you were more careful than her in a lot of ways and she let you make your own choices. She also knew you could be incredibly stubborn when you chose to be.

Tonight you found yourself in JD’s bed, his father snoring faintly on the other side of the house. Your boyfriend was already out, you marvelled at how soft his face looked in his sleep as you drifted off yourself.

———————————————————————————————————

You groggily became aware that you were in a small passageway. It was incredibly dark, like a thick layer of velvet had been draped over everything; you could only just make out certain shapes. But you felt the place had a familiarity, despite not being able to see much.

You tried to move forward, but were pulled back by an overwhelming weight- almost like trying to swim against a current. It wasn’t a force on any body part in particular, you just knew you couldn’t bring yourself to move.

In the distance, maybe above you, you could hear voices. You couldn’t make out the words exactly but they didn’t sound happy. They overlapped one another, one higher pitched and one deep. There was tension between the voices as they grew louder but the words were muffled.

You tried to call out but you couldn’t hear yourself, it was as if you had lost control of your voice altogether and couldn’t form any sounds.

You didn’t know who these people shouting above you were, but you didn’t feel safe with them when you were trapped within yourself. You willed yourself to move, cry out, scream, but you couldn’t.

As your senses felt jumbled, unable to make sense of your situation, the one thing which surfaced with startling clarity was that _feeling_.

The fear was overpowering, like someone boiling sugar deep in your stomach. It was unbearable, nearly painful. But you were stuck within it in this suffocating mess. The shouting from above had increased in volume yet again, but you still couldn’t make out any words.

Then everything stopped. A deafening scream filled the passage.

You felt it hit you, physically, like a shove in the chest, but you didn’t react. It was as if you hadn’t processed it, it just bounced straight off of you.

Moments passed and no other sounds could be heard. You could still feel that fear bubbling within you, only lessened temporarily by the distraction of the scream.

And then, you could hear the lower voice now, alone, saying something you couldn’t make out.

It came closer and became louder, you hadn’t a clue who the voice belonged to as you strained yet again to try and call out. Nothing.

But the fear didn’t go away, it was like a magnetic pull getting stronger and stronger. Everything felt so _familiar_ even though you could have sworn you’d never been in a situation like this before. The voice was so close now and the feeling was consuming you, but there was nothing to be done.

It was a swirling dark pool with you stuck in centre.

You thought back to the scream, where was the other voice now?

A cold realisation swept through you, the scream came back to stab you in the chest. You had recognised it from the start, and then you realised. That was your mum’s scream. Why the fuck was she screaming? And-

Someone was grabbing hold of you. You couldn’t see them in the darkness, they wouldn’t let go as you flailed as much as your frozen body would let you. It was the deeper voice, they were the one taking hold of you now. Trying to scream for help you still found nothing came out. You kept trying and trying in vain.

All of a sudden, your own hoarse screams became startlingly clear. And then someone else’s voice joined yours.  
  


——————————————————————-—————————————

“Winnie. Winnie! Fuck- you’re having a nightmare wake the hell up!”

Your senses all infused back inside you in one overwhelming wave. You could feel the sweat caking your nightshirt to your back, hear your own panting as you desperately tried to get your breath back. And leaning over you was your boyfriend, his face illuminated by the bedside lamp. He still looked sleepy but worry was evident on his features, his eyebrows knitted together in a pained line. One of his hands still lay on your shoulder from where he had been shaking you, the other he was leaning up on as he looked over you.

You heaved in a gulp of air at your realisation: it was just a dream. Just a horrifying, confusing dream.

You curled in on yourself, palms pressed into your eyes with force.

“Are you-are you alright? My god you’re soaking wet.”

You hurried to nod your head with vigour, even though you were physically holding the tears in with your palms.

JD listened to your laboured breaths for a moment before speaking firmly with newly assured calm.

“Nah, I don’t think so, com’on, up you come.”

Before you could blink, JD had pulled you up into his arms, holding you against him as he sat against the head of the bed.

You didn’t resist him for once, you just allowed yourself to rest there as you tried to make sense of what the fuck just happened.

He didn’t say anything, but you could feel his hand rubbing steadily up and down your back. He took your other hand and played with your fingers.

Coming out of your nightmare, it was as if your body had shutdown from being so overwhelmed, everything was slightly muted, so you just lay in the strangely soothing haze for a while.

You sniffed every so often, and JD just shushed you quietly, making efforts to try and be comforting.

“You’re alright, I’m not gonna let anyone hurt ya now.”

You didn’t know how long you lay there before your boyfriend spoke again, his voice slightly gravelly from sleep:

“Must’ve been a scary one for you to scream out like that- what happened?”

You shook your head wearily and turned to bury your face in his chest, you didn’t want to speak, just lie in this stage where you didn’t have to acknowledge what had happened, the embarrassment of your reaction beginning to rear its head.

But you knew JD wouldn’t let it slide, so you offered a fairly honest but vague explanation, mumbling into his t-shirt. 

“I… I don’t know what happened really, it was all blurry.”

“You’ve been pretty out of it recently, and now this. You sure there’s nothing more going on?”

You shook your head, turning it to the side so you could be heard. 

“No JD, there’s nothing happening, I’m just stressed with school stuff.”

Your boyfriend went quiet. You couldn’t tell him about this, it was something too personal, too _messy_. 

A hand under your chin lifted your face to meet his. Your eyes were wide and innocent, his were serious. 

“Winnie, tell me the truth. Have those assholes messed with you?”

You suddenly lifted yourself off of his chest, resting weight on your wrists either side of him.

“No! How many times am I going to have to tell you that?”

“Well I just don’t know if you’re tellin’ me the truth! We had a deal: if they are messing with you and you’re not doing anything about it then _I will_.”

His words were spoken in a harsh whisper, the warning in them sent shivers down your spine.

“Please just listen to me- nothing is happening okay? And even if there was, you can’t protect me from everything, and not everything is about the jocks you know? I have other parts to my life like school-work and my future.”

JD sat up a little more to bring his dark eyes level to yours.

“You understand why I don’t believe you when you say that? You spend half the time pretending that what they do to you doesn’t matter when I’ve _seen_ them make you cry. And I’m not gonna stand by and let that to happen, you know I won’t.”

You let out an exasperated groan, but the tight fists your boyfriend had drawn his hands into didn’t escape your notice.

“JD, for once I need you to just believe my word alone, this is not about the jocks.”

You soothed a hand through his hair, over and over in slow methodical motions, trying to calm him out of the funk he had worked himself into

Mercifully it worked, and you felt the tension leave his body.

It was becoming clearer by the day: JD’s paranoia over you getting hurt. He was so protective despite knowing you weren’t incapable of looking after yourself. You felt like you were holding the lead of a rabid dog: clinging to the end for dear life as you tried to prevent him from doing any damage.

He continued to hold you in his arms as his gaze fell on nothing in particular; he was thinking.

You didn’t know how much he believed you now, but there wasn’t much more you could do. You didn’t want to explain the dream to him, you would look crazy. You didn’t understand anything that was happening to you and it was pushing you closer to the edge by the day.

The only thing you had recognised was your mum’s scream. But you’d never heard her scream before so how had you sensed that it was her?

Shaking your head minutely as if to rid yourself of the thoughts, you decided to set the dream aside for now.

With a glance to the clock, you saw it was around three am. You were tired, and in no state to process things at this time of night.

“Come on, let’s go back to sleep. We can talk about this more tomorrow if you really want to.”

You reasoned with him, trying to quell the brooding look he had settle into.

You saw his eyes focus back on you, and his features softened, a half smile appearing on his face as his eyes scanned over you.

“Your hair’s all over the place, com’on, spin around.”

You turned, and you felt JD remove the band from your hair. He ran his fingers through your locks methodically, you couldn’t help but close your eyes.

When it came down to it, you knew your boyfriend was dangerous, you weren’t stupid and had seen what he could do to people. But when you were sat between his legs with him brushing his fingers through your hair, you allowed yourself the bliss of forgetting about the other side of his nature.  
His gentle side was fleeting, but you liked to think this represented him more than the other parts. In the daylight that was much harder to believe, but right now, bathing in your deliberate naivety was soothing.

After replacing the band, he squeezed your shoulders and placed a kiss on your collar bone, he liked the way you could never repress the impulsive shudder that came from him doing so.

“There, perfecto. Lie down, I’ll put out the light.”

You did as he asked and were soon back in darkness, but JD drew you possessively close with one arm, and right now you didn’t mind feeling his heartbeat against your back.

You zoned in on his slow breathes as you finally felt sleepy yourself, deliberately holding all of the anxieties and confusions of the night at arm’s length.

“G’night Winnie.” He mumbled into your hair.

“Night JD.”


	5. Of closing doors and opening all new ones.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimers/ author notes.  
> Okay so this chapter kind of closes a door and opens a new one in terms of plot direction, and I also wanted to explore a different side of JD here because I am slave to writing a bit of fluff- but if people are missing his darker side don’t worry it hasn’t been eradicated by any means.
> 
> Emetophobia warning- I don’t go into detail when a character is sick but just a warning that there is a mention and a few lines about it.
> 
> I’m also sorry but also really not for the confusing cliffhanger I leave you on so here goes.

As with most nightmares, when recalling the images and feelings of the night before, you still found that your memory of the dream was muted no matter how hard you tried to conjure it up again. It felt like a faded photograph in your mind, but the one part that stuck out was your mother’s scream. Most people would dismiss it as a work of the imagination as dreams could do things like that; but this felt too real, with everything that had been happening you felt there must be something more to this.

But as days passed, the dream found its way to the back of your mind as other problems came back to bite you. You knew the jocks wouldn’t keep their distance for long and that the time would come where you would have to uphold your promise to JD. You still didn’t know how the hell you were going to do that; but you knew that the longer you left it, the more likely you were to have to cross that bridge unprepared.

You were packing up your things at the end of final class, and you knew they were doing the same at the back of the room; you could hear them messing about and laughing at each other’s jokes. As you head for the door, Kurt slid into the space in front of you, large hands on the desks either side of him.

Shit.

“Hey Winnie, what’ya up to tonight?”

“Studying. Now please could you move.”

You forced yourself to keep a firm and steady voice, not showing much emotion or interest for the situation. At least that was something.

As you continued to make your way around Kurt to the door, Ram came forward to join him, you accepted there and then that this was not just a situation you were going to be able to walk away from.

“Oh come _on_ you’re always studying! How’s about you come to our part tonight?”

Based on words alone, you wouldn’t have detected any malice in the invitation. But a quick glance at Ram’s face told you all you needed to know about their intentions, having an understanding of their personalities told you that too.

“No thanks, I’d rather not. Now please _move_.”

You went to push through the two of them, but same as last time, they blocked the way. You were in an empty classroom with the two towering above you. You felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

“Why not, _Winnie_? Are you _scared_?”

You scoffed, Ram’s words no longer hid the malice, you could see now he was quickly changing to a different tac as you weren’t taking to their fake sincerity. You didn’t have a plan for getting out of the situation, but you realised they were not worth your time or effort in giving into their games.

“I’m not having this conversation with you.”

You pushed passed them with enough strength to temporarily cause a distraction, but it wasn’t enough time, as you were grabbed by the arm, forcefully. You whipped your head round to meet the jeering eyes of Kurt, your own gaze narrowed into a dark glare as he opened his mouth to continue trying to get whatever it was they wanted.

“What the fuck is your problem? You know, you act like such a prude, I bet underneath it all you’re just a _slut_.”

You stared at the two boys before you, they passed judgments with ease, clearly feeling they had perfect right and status to do so. You knew enough about them to realise that when it boiled down to it they really weren’t anything special, they held no more rights than anyone else despite their perception of rank.

The situation was so similar to the multiple times they had cornered you before, and you could have frozen like before, given into them yet again.

But you realised that things didn’t have to be like before. You had enough knowledge at your disposal, and although your morals were binding, you weren’t going to give in again. After all, you had an end of a promise to uphold. Taking a deep breath, you began to talk, for once you weren’t going to censor or mask the truth you saw.

“No, I’m not a slut, or a prude. I just know that I don’t want to spend my time with you.”

Kurt’s hand tightened on your arm, anger with a hint of surprise evident on his face.

You steeled yourself with a gulp.

_It’s okay. You’ve got this._

“What do you mean by that?” His voice was still cocky, but now a little unsure.

“I _mean_ , I don’t want to spend my evening with a boy who is hiding behind his fake reputation in fear of being treated exactly how he is treating me now. You seek validation from everyone, because beneath it all you’re scared.”

You blinked twice, deadpan, as Kurt paled at your unexpected statement, dropping the grip he had on your arm.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Ram stepped in as Kurt seemed at a loss for what to say.

“Oh I’m not judging him for it, half the students in this place are exactly the same. And Ram, I’d really consider cancelling your party in favour of studying. If you don’t improve your grades then your Dad might pull you from the football team. I heard him discussing it with the coach on Monday.”

A scarlet pigment erupted over the jock’s face, as you saw him drawing one palm into a fist, you took a wary step backwards.

“If you fucking _dare_ tell anyone I swear-”

“Oh I’m not going to say anything to anyone, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m just saying to you I have perfectly simple reasons for not wanting to come to your party. You can believe of me what you want, but I’m not as naïve and impressionable as you think. Now if you could kindly move out of my way, I have to get going.”

Your heart raced in your chest. You knew you’d just taken a huge risk, but albeit a very calculated risk. _You_ knew that you’d never tell anyone about Kurt’s self-esteem issues or Ram’s dropping grades, but whether _they_ believed that was their business. And the likelihood of them hurting you now when people were milling about the hallways was unlikely, especially as you were a small girl and there were two of them, the situation wouldn’t exactly look great.

You all stood in silence, you were holding your breath waiting for a reaction, the tension thick as cement.

As by some miracle, the two gave you one final look of reproach, but with some wariness, and turned to leave. 

They stalked out the door as you let out the breath you’d been holding, leaning back against the desk behind you.

Almost giving you a heart attack, you became aware of a presence lingering just outside of the doorway. Taking calculated steps with hands behind his back, JD made his way into the room.

“Well well well, I don’t know about you but _I_ certainly enjoyed the show.”

“Fuck JD you scared the crap out of me!”

JD came forward with a smirk and placed his arms on the desk in front of you, leaning down on them to bring himself closer to your level.

“I came to pick ya up so we could go get somethin’ to eat, then I looked in and saw you three, was close to absolutely beating the shit out of them I can tell you. But I realised you’d got it covered, and a promise is a promise, as much as it pains me.”

He opened his mouth to continue, you picked up on some hesitation, and then you realised, he was proud. He didn’t want to admit that your way had worked, even if it wasn’t his way. You watched him for a moment, and then with some finality, he finally got out what he wanted to say.

“Good fuckin’ job, sweetheart.”

You smiled and looked down at the floor, not prepared for the complement.

“I didn’t want to be too mean to them, but if that’s enough to keep them off my back then it will be worth it.”

JD held his hands up.

“Well you know my opinion on it all, but as long as they leave you alone then I’m… 80 percent happy, shall we say.”

“Considering that to gain the last 20 percent you’d have to beat them up, I can settle for you being at 80, and maybe I can make up the difference.”

You smiled and leant on the desk, bringing your face close to his.

“Oh yeah? How’re you planning to do tha-”

You brought your lips to JD’s, cutting him off. In a swift movement without pulling his mouth from yours, he brought his legs over the desk and grabbed your waist. You ended up situated in his lap. His hands then found their way up to cradle your neck and thread through your hair. You held onto the lapels of his trench coat. His mouth tasted of the last cigarette he’d sneaked in before class and it was addictive despite not smoking yourself. He always seemed to have an element of electricity when you kissed, and it had you holding on even tighter, he could no doubt feel your racing heart beneath his fingertips.

Pulling away with a gasp, you rested your nose against his, both of you out of breath.

“So, what do you wanna eat?”

————————————————————————————————————————

Back on JD’s sofa, you sat nearly on top of each other with your legs intertwined. Both of you were winding noodles from your chinese take-away around chopsticks with varying levels of skill. JD was getting frustrated as they kept dropping back into the box, you were trying to smother your laughs as you brought the strands to your own mouth with ease. He looked up at you with raised eyebrows as you failed to mask a giggle as he failed for the third time.

“Will you quit laughing at me! This is harder than it looks you know.”

“Sure it is.” You smiled and dipped your own chopsticks into his box and brought them to his lips as an offering.

“Thanks.” He grinned before tilted his head to collect the noodles into his mouth.

“Since when did you get so good with chopsticks anyway?”

“Hey I’ve always been good with my hand-eye coordination, yours could use some improvement.”

You grinned and swiftly hid behind your takeaway box as JD flung a noodle at you.

“Hey stop that, I surrender!”

“Now I don’t think you mean that.” JD grabbed the food from your hand and placed it on the table along with his own before pinning you down by the wrists to the sofa in one fluid motion.

“Say you’re sorry.” You could hear the teasing in his voice, he loved to play for control with you, because you were one of the few people who didn’t always let him win. You bit your lip, happy to play the game.

“And what if I don’t?”

JD smirked with a devilish glint before diving his head down to lick a line up your neck.

“Ew ew I’m sorry I’m sorry!” You gave in and shoved your boyfriend off you as he laughed.

“Hey you know I hate it when you do that!”

You slapped him on the arm and grabbed your food off the table, feigning anger.

“You look cute when you scrunch your nose up like that.”

“Shut up.”

You both smiled and settled back down with your food, it was nice to be able to do normal things with your boyfriend for once, just being able to enjoy each other’s company rather than having to form promises to stop him from beating people up.

JD turned to you.

“You want anything to drink?”

“Yeah, a coke would be great thanks.”

“Sure thing.”

JD pushed himself up from the sofa with a grunt, making his way to the kitchen.

You’d continued eating your food for the next few moments, when you heard a clattering from the kitchen.

“Fuck!”

Following the exclamation, you heard the piercing sound of glass shattering all over the floor.

And before you knew what was happening, you felt an overwhelming sense of nausea surge inside you.

You launched yourself up from the sofa down the hall to the bathroom, making a racket as your shoes pounded against the hard-wood, and consequently vomited your dinner into the toilet, trying to push your hair out of harms way as your stomach emptied itself.

Bringing your head up as the feeling finally passed, breathing heavily, you were completely dazed. You knew there was adrenaline coursing through your veins, but you had no idea why you’d reacted that way. You gripped the toilet seat and tried to take deep breaths. You then heard JD calling you from the corridor.

“Winnie? You alright? I just dropped a glass but it’s all good. Where’d you take off to so fast?”

The door creaked and you turned to meet JD, whos eyes widened at the state of you.

“Shit. What happened? Are you sick?”

“I… I-”

You didn’t have an explanation, you didn’t have an excuse, you had no clue what was happening to you. For the first time, you felt you had no control of the situation, and JD sensed this, and took charge without hesitation.

“Come on, sit against the edge of the bathtub. Let me get you some water.”

JD gently held your waist and moved you to lean against the porcelain, leaving to go grab your drink.

You became slightly more aware of your surroundings, and leaned over to flush the toilet. You had no idea why you had responded that way to the glass breaking, it was like an impulse, it came out of nowhere.

JD returned, also holding a wet cloth. He held it out to you.

“Here, you’ve got a little…” He tapped his own chin and you realised what he was getting at.

“Oh- thanks.”

You wiped the cloth round your mouth, then took the glass from him, shuddering a little as it just reminded you of why you were here in the first place, he noticed with a frown.

“You feeling any better?” JD sat beside you on the bathmat, moving an arm to rub circles on your back.

“A little.” You were quiet, not meeting his eyes.

“You should’ve told me if you were feeling sick, I’d of taken you home.”

You shook your head, staring at the floor.

“I don’t feel ill.”

JD was quiet for a moment, he wasn’t stupid, he realised there was something more to all this. And he wasn’t prepared to be strung along anymore.

“Then what is it?”

You were silent, even you didn’t have a excuse now; too worn out to make one up. 

“Winnie, I can’t take this anymore, you can’t keep secrets like this when there’s obviously something more goin’ on. Whatever it is, you have to tell me. No more lying.”

You tentatively brought your eyes up to meet JD’s, slightly afraid of the seriousness in his tone.

You must have looked like a frightened child because his hard gaze softened. His gaze flittered between your eyes as if analysing your state, you took a shuddering breath.

“Come on. It’s time you told me the truth.”


	6. Lies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author notes:
> 
> Mention of vomiting very briefly.
> 
> This is quite an angsty chapter I won’t lie but there is a little fluff tossed in- anyway here goes. Also again sorry that I seem to keep leaving things on cliffhangers but it’s part of the fun right? 
> 
> Reminder that this is an OC insert where you embody my OC, Winnie.

_“Come on. It’s time you told me the truth.”_

As the words you had dreaded so much fell from JD’s mouth, you froze. You knew now that this was it, you had to tell him what had been going on for you, or he’d just get more paranoid that it was the jocks or someone else. So after weeks of lying, you finally caved. 

“Okay, I’ll tell you. But can we get off the bathroom floor first?”

JD still maintained a serious demeanour as he lifted you off the tiles effortlessly. You held onto his shoulders as you found your feet, and still with an arm protectively wrapped around your waist, he lead you back to the living room.

Sitting down with some reluctance, you fumbled for the best way to begin your explanation, because at the end of it all you still didn’t understand it yourself.

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy-”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

JD interjected, a surprising look of patience had appeared on his face, he was trying hard to stay calm, considering how long you’d been keeping this a secret you admired him for his ability to do so. 

So you told him. You explained from the beginning how you had reacted to people stealing from your locker.

“But at first I thought I was just reacting that way because I was scared of them you know? But then… then at the convenience store I reacted that way to those kids…”

You explained how it had become a very specific reaction, how you couldn’t understand the meaning of it. JD sat very still as he listened, his eyes were intently watching over you, but you couldn’t bare to meet them as you hurried to get it all over with.

“And then I’d almost forgotten about it, until we were at the convenience store the second time and it happened again, and I just couldn’t shove it to the back of my mind anymore, it just didn’t make any sense. So that’s kinda where I’m up to with all this.”

You trailed off, agitatedly fiddling with the bracelet you had on. JD’s hand came out to stop you, he kept hold of it in one of his.

“Not exactly. You haven’t told me about the nightmare.”

Your head shot up and you gave him a small look of surprise, his eyes were still patient, but you were dreading what he would say when you were finished with your spiel. You had to give him credit, he wasn’t one to forget, even if you yourself had deliberately tried to. You shook your head as your eyes found their way back to your lap, this was something so raw, so fragile and personal to you.

“I…well-”

“Winnie, I’m not gonna judge you, dreams are fucked up at the best of times. I just wanna know what’s been going on okay? You’re so stubborn and if you keep too much to yourself you’ll explode or somethin’!”

You managed a small smile despite the situation.

“Look, when you ran into me all those weeks ago I made up my mind to protect you, yeah? But I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what’s happening.”

“But I don’t need you to-”

“Winnie, I’m not arguing with you over this. Com’on, let me untangle all this shit for you.”

You knew he was trying to break your walls, you were well aware that he was forcing his way in, but looking at him, you couldn’t decide whether that was necessarily a bad thing. But that wasn’t your focus right now, you still had to finish what you’d started.

“The nightmare was, _confusing_. I could hear people shouting but I couldn’t make out the words. And there was the same feeling I got with the stealing.”

“The feeling scared, sorta helpless?”

“Yeah.” You nodded into your lap.

“But…”

“What?”

You shook your head.

“You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

“JD-”

And with that his patience was gone, you knew it was only a matter of time.

“Winnie for god’s sake _tell me_!”

“I heard my mother scream! _Okay_? Is that what you wanted to hear? And I know you’ll think it’s nothing but I _know_ it wasn’t, I goddamn swear, because I’ve never heard her scream before and hell JD I have no _fucking clue_ what any of this means.”

Your outburst shocked you more than anyone, not because of what you said, but because of how raw your voice sounded. It didn’t sound like you, you couldn’t recognise yourself in the emotions that had come out. Because you were uncertain, and that was something you were not used to voicing.

JD was quiet, and you knew that he was thinking. You wanted to bite at your nail when you realised your hands were still in JD’s, even after all that he still held onto you.

After a moment, he spoke, he was no longer angry, but there wasn’t really any distinguishable emotion in his voice.

“When I broke the glass earlier, I’m guessing you had the feeling you felt with all the other stuff, was that why you were sick?”

You thought back to the events that although were only minutes ago, felt like years. You nodded, yes, he was right.

“I guess you do think I’m crazy, right?” Your words were bitter, ready for rejection or laughter.

JD sighed before doing what you least expected.

“Com’ere.” With a grunt, he pulled you close and tucked you under his arm, tilting your head up to look at him.

“I don’t think you’re crazy, sure, this stuff doesn’t make much sense to you right now, but lots of things don’t.”

You nodded, unsure where he was going with this.

“I may not have the answers, but I know someone who might.”

“Who?” You looked up at his dark eyes with questioning, genuinely unsure.

“Well who’d you think? Your mother! It was her scream you heard right?”

You nearly jumped off his lap, but you settled for shaking your head vigorously.

“JD, there’s no way in hell I’m telling her about all this!”

“You don’t have to- look, the way I see it, you’ve got something going on in your head that a part of you remembers but you can’t quite get a hold of, and I reckon she might know. So just phrase the question in a way that asks about your past or somethin’, and see how she responds. If she looks a little edgy, you know there’s something she’s keeping from you.”

“JD I can’t exactly just go in and accuse her of anything can I?”

Your boyfriend’s eyes glinted, once he had an idea it was hard to shake it from him.

“Oh please, you know I don’t mean doing it like that. But take a look at how she responds when you ask about your dad, don’t tell me there isn’t at least _something_ there that might explain some of this shit. You’ve gotta try, right?” 

Your eyebrows knitted together as you surveyed your boyfriends face, now he was in possession of the facts he was like a runaway horse, pupils blown wide, but you feared he didn’t quite realise the danger zone this could lead to. But ever vigilant, he picked up on the trepidation you were feeling, and his features softened.

“Winnie, you gotta do it, you can’t continue living like this.”

_I could say the same for you._

You could have said it, but you didn’t. This wasn’t the time to confront JD and his own emotional issues. Instead, you rested your head on your boyfriend’s chest, and quietly mumbled:

“Alright. I’ll talk to her.”

———————————————————————————————————

JD had held you especially close that night, and he seemed to be giving off a different energy to earlier, more placid, as you talked in sleepy whispers.

“You should’ve told me about this whole thing when it started. I’ve heard of much weirder shit than this, and I could’ve helped you sooner, you wouldn’t of had to hide all the times you felt scared.”

“I know. But you know I’m not like that, I wanted to work this one out for myself, like with the jocks.”

“Well you’ve shown you can handle yourself just fine with them, so now’s about time you let me do my bit.”

JD grinned and turned you over to kiss you.

Despite the safety you felt yourself in his arms, you felt so tentative about the whole thing, because behind the charm of your boyfriend lay that different side to him, and you were determined to keep it at bay. 

But you knew that to do that, you had to talk to him. So you carefully chose your words, deciding that maybe now, with him calmly lying beside you, you could at least make a start. 

Pulling away from his lips, you leant your forehead against his.

“JD, you know how before, we talked about how when someone makes me mad, I react a bit differently to you?”

JD gave a small laugh.

“Yeah, _I_ fight my corner, although fair play for dealing with the jocks the way you did.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you think maybe… that there’s a better way for you to deal with the people that make you mad?”

You fought to keep your voice strong, but you felt like you were playing with a bomb by asking that question.

“What do you mean? So if someone is a fucking asshole you want me to do what you used to do and just-”

“Hey hey that’s not what I meant, just take a moment yeah and listen to me?”

You tried your best not to sound patronising as you ran your fingers through his hair, and like usual, he slowly calmed back down.

“JD, I’m not saying let people walk over you, I’m just saying, maybe sometime we could talk about, you know.”

As your boyfriend looked between your eyes, you held still. With a forced breath, JD flung his head back down onto the pillow.

“Maybe.”

You smiled and littered kisses over his cheeks, laughing at his reaction beneath you.

“Hey, cut that shit out!”

In one swift movement, JD flipped you and pinned you to the bed so you couldn’t continue your assault, and your eyes settled on each other’s.

“What the hell are you doing to me, you’re gonna turn me all soft .” He mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear.

“Oh I don’t think anyone couldn’t manage that, but you’re _definitely_ not changing me.”

JD laughed with a grin.

“I’m not changing you, just… developing you.”

You raised your eyebrows, unwilling to debate the matter further.

“Sure you are.”

———————————————————————————————————

As Saturday passed by admittedly in a bit of a haze, more and more your focus centred in on your return home that night. Now your boyfriend had sewn the seed in your head about your mum keeping secrets from you, the harder it became to shake. How could you just return as if nothing had happened? Although the idea of confronting her caused your stomach to contort, you knew you had to do it. There would never be a good time, and you had a feeling the longer you waited the worse you’d become.

The evening began to crawl in, and although you tried not to do it, your eyes kept flitting back to the clock on the wall of JD’s living room. Your mind felt split in two, go now and just do it, or stay a little longer.

Unknown to you, JD’s eyes had been flitting over you for the past hour, he could tell you were becoming more agitated, and common sense told him that waiting wasn’t doing you any good. So, he took matters into his own hands.

“Winnie, you need to go home, it’ll be dark soon and I can’t give you a ride back tonight.”

You dragged your gaze from the clock to your boyfriend. You sighed; he was right.

“Alright, I’m just gonna get my stuff.”

You didn’t speak a word to JD of what you were planning to say or do, and so neither did he. But both of you knew that you had to do it tonight for your own sake.

———————————————————————————————————

The walk home wasn’t far, but it felt simultaneously the longest and shortest it ever had, depending on whether you felt like getting it over with or wanted to forget the whole idea; your brain threw you between the two like a pinball machine. 

And with that, you were stood at your front door, turning the key, you let yourself in. Immediately you were met with your mother’s cheery tone from the kitchen as she picked up on you clicking the door back shut.

“Hello? Is that you home Winnie? There’s some soup left in here if you haven’t eaten love.”

“Thanks mum, I’ll be down in a bit.”

You ran upstairs and threw your bag on your bed, staring at the wall. Admittedly, you hadn’t thought ahead much further, but now you were back, the need to get on with it was sending electricity through your system. You couldn’t hold on much longer.

Entering the kitchen, your mother turned in your direction, already having ladled soup in a bowl ready for you.

“Sit down dear, tell me about your day.”

You sat across from one another at the kitchen table, and a pang of unease settled inside you. How could you go into interrogating her when she had made such an effort for you? Your mum was one of the sweetest and most forgiving people you knew, and here you were about to accuse her for possibly hiding something from you.

Surprising yourself, you found yourself falling into a ritual you hadn’t done for years: you wrapped your little finger around your mother’s. Back when she went through more struggles with her sight, you used to do it as a comfort to her, a way of letting her know you were there without saying or doing too much. Your mum almost looked surprised herself, but she didn’t seem too phased.

“Um my day was good thanks…”

You made small talk as you ate your soup, asking the usual sorts of questions, but you just couldn’t focus. Despite the want for this normality to continue, the urge to cause ripples in the water was becoming too much. So after a few minutes more, you gave in. Carefully, you turned the conversation in the right direction.

“JD’s dad came home mid-afternoon, he barely said hello. It’s a shame really, they don’t seem that close.”

“Hmm.” Your mum looked thoughtful, unaware of what you were about to ask. It was risky, but you tried to phrase it as innocently as you could.

“Do you think… do you think Dad and I would’ve gotten on well if he’d of, you know, stuck around?”

Your mum lifted her head a little at the question, but every once in a while she knew you would ask her about your dad, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary.

“Oh I don’t know, he was a real enigma of a man, kept a lot to himself.”

“Yeah? Did he have any hobbies though, anything I might take after him in?”

“We really weren’t together all that long Winnie I’m not sure.”

She was putting up walls fast, and you knew the way to break in was to bombard her.

“Oh come on there must be something though, did he cook, or was he clever?”

“Honey please-”

Slightly more flustered, you noted.

“What about history, did he like that?”

“I’m not-”

“I’m good with my hands right? Making stuff and that maybe I inherited it-”

“Oh please when he tried to make stuff with you he’d-”

Your mum cut herself off in an instant, and you swore her face drained of colour over the next few seconds. You blinked, as if that would help you process what she’d just said.

No words came out of either of your mouths. Because you knew she’d let something slip, and now you’d cracked open the door, you were not planning to let it shut again.

“You told me that my dad left before I was born. You said he’d never even seen a photo of me.”

Your voice was level, you worked to keep it devoid of emotion.

Your mother was silent.

“Mum, have I ever met my father?”

“Well, you-”

You slammed your spoon down into your bowl with a sharp clank, but your words remained level.

“I’m not going to sit here and let you lie to me now, you know that wouldn’t be fair. So tell me the truth, have I ever met my father?”

With a shaker exhale, your mum nodded.

“Sweetheart, for the first year of your life, your father lived with us. As you grew older, you didn’t seem to remember, and I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you by telling you, so I.. I never did.”

“And why did he leave? After making a child with you and being part of the first year of my life, what made him leave?”

No change in tone. No emotions. You wanted information. And it didn’t take a genius to work out that the fumbling of words that came out of your mother next weren’t the truth.

“He just couldn’t see himself as a father Winnie I-”

“How. Just _how_ can you sit there and expect me to believe that? Please, I want the truth.”

You calmed yourself as you could feel emotion creeping in. With a gulp, you took a moment. If you wanted the truth, you knew you were going to have to show some scars. The only way you knew she was going to give in was if you showed you were suffering.

“Mum, a few weeks ago someone stole something from me. I felt scared which I guess was to be expected. But then later, I saw some kids stealing and felt the same thing, but so much worse. Weeks on, every time someone even mentions the damn word I react in the most crazy way with feelings I’ve never felt before and it’s taking over my damn life. Now, I want to know if you know something I don’t here.”

“Winnie.” Your mother whispered. It sounded like a plea. You could see you were hurting her here but you didn’t want to stop. You couldn’t stop. You wanted the truth. Now.

“I had a nightmare where I heard your scream. I have never heard you scream in my life and I know it. Now you tell me, is there something I _don’t know_?”

Your mum shook her head, tears began to roll down her cheeks, sending stabbing pains through your stomach. You didn’t stop, you shot up from your seat in a frenzy.

“Last night JD broke a glass. I reacted by _vomiting_ my whole dinner back up. Now I swear to god, if you don’t tell me the truth, I’m gonna go find my dad and ask him myself.”

Your mother’s eyes shot up in alarm, the faded but evident scarring around them looking fresher in her stressed state. She shook her head, reaching out to grab onto you.

“Okay okay Winnie I’ll tell you just please…”

You yourself were breathing heavily, you felt a violent pain inside for doing this to your mother and you grabbed back at her hand, your emotions a confusion to yourself as you slowly sat back down.

Your mum collected herself for a moment. You waited as she breathed out slowly.

“Please remember that what I’m about to tell you I kept from you for a reason, and that reason is because I love you.”

“Just tell me.”


	7. Painful truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author notes:
> 
> Get ready for some angst… but this chapter should tie up a lot of loose ends and things should finally make sense.
> 
> I honestly don’t have a clue where this backstory developed from but just for clarity I am not romanticising mental health conditions or trauma.
> 
> I don’t have much more to say apart from thank you to anyone who actually takes the time to read my writing.

_“Just tell me.”_

As the words left your mouth, you dreaded what was to follow; but you had to know.

Your mum looked ready to crack in two before she’d even started, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. But with a deep breath from both of you, she began to speak.

“Your father was working for a business when I got pregnant with you. As I went on maternity leave, his firm fell into some money troubles, and he was no longer bringing home enough to support us. It wasn’t his fault, the company never treated him well anyway. But then you were born, and temporarily, we almost didn’t care because we were so focused on you.”

You nodded, barely moving as your gaze was fixed on her.

“But we couldn’t play happy families for ever. We needed money and I planned to try and go back to work as soon as I could. But your father, he was never the type of man to wait, so impatient. And in some mad scheme to help us, he lost even more money, he got himself addicted to gambling.”

For the first time since she’d begun, your mum brought her eyes up to meet yours, as if trying to plead her case.

“It all started so small, but he was obsessed, couldn’t keep himself away from it. We’d have so many arguments and they’d always end in tears and him promising that he’d stop.”

“Well he clearly didn’t or we wouldn’t be here having this conversation.”

You couldn’t help the way your words came out so sharply, you were angry despite the pain you felt at seeing the way she flinched from your comment.

“No, you’re right. The thing was, I had to think of you, I loved you both but you were my _baby_. So I said something stupid.”

You watched as your mum started to tremble ever so slightly.

“I told him… that if he didn’t get his act together, I was going to take you away somewhere to get us both safe from what he was doing to us. And at that, he just lost it. We argued and things got worse, and then…”

She shook her head with a hand over her mouth.

“He pushed me and…. and I was at the top of the stairs, so I fell, screaming the place down in the process. At the bottom we had this glass hallway table and I fell right through it, the glass… it-”

Your mum’s free hand came up to brush against the scars over her eyes, and your heart jumped into your throat.

“I fell unconscious. I don’t remember anything of what happened until I woke up and found he had gone, and taken nearly everything with him that was worth something. Just left anything he couldn’t carry, and you crying in the living room.”

You were completely silent, but you could hear roaring in your ears. Nothing made sense, you had so many questions, you wanted to scream, but you didn’t.

“Winnie, I am so sorry. All I can say is I hope this makes more sense now. The glass smashing… and the scream. I never was in a car crash, I had to tell you a lie because I thought I was keeping you safe, when you didn’t remember, well it felt better to allow you a normal childhood. It felt like if I told you I was handing you a burden..”

“I… I don’t understand. I don’t remember any this and why the _fuck_ is it affecting me now?”

In a moment of frustration, you slammed your fist into the table, you could barely get any air through your throat as it constricted.

“Maybe something triggered you to remember those small fragments. You were so young you wouldn’t have formed a proper memory, but the sensory parts of the sounds must have stayed put.”

“What about the stealing?” You choked out.

She shook her head. “That’s my fault, I drummed into you as a child about how you should never steal and how much of a sin it was, just never told you that it was because of your father’s actions.”

“I still don’t understand. He sends money for me now - did you not go to the police so you could cut him from our lives?”

“After everything, I managed to track him down, and we had an agreement, if he sent money for you I’d never go to the police. He never meant to hurt us Winnie, it was just one massive mistake.”

You smothered a sob.

“But why, why did you-”

Then it hit you. The look in her eyes. There was no hatred there. No harsh words, not really. She had told the story objectively for the most part, only dropping in her love for you. There was no anger. You raised your heavy eyes slowly.

“You still love him, don’t you?”

Your mum didn’t respond.

“You _love_ the man that cost you your sight and stole everything from you?”

You put your head in your hands. For some reason this was the thing that hurt, not that your mum had lied although that was a grief in itself, but the fact that she was still stuck in this bubble of her own kindness and love that she would just let him get away with it.

And then yet another thing hit you.

It was so startlingly clear why you were the way you were.

Your whole moral system wasn’t your own, it was engrained from childhood. It was _hers_. It didn’t make sense because you hadn’t undergone the experience to gain it, she had. What was worse was that it came from kindness, from a need to keep loving despite it all. You were the same.

And she had been torturing herself her whole life because of what had happened, unable to share the truth and not able to let it go either.

She had done it to protect you, but in the process still hurt you.

“So you would have just let me go insane for the sake of hiding this secret from me?”

Your words were selfish and illogical, but you were in no place for civility now.

“I didn’t know. I’m… so sorry.” Your own mother sobbed out.

“Everything I fucking know about myself and why I am the way I am is a lie. How could you, I just don’t…”

You stumbled up from the table, almost collapsing as you went. You clumsily ran up to your room and grabbed the bag that you had left untouched since arriving. You didn’t think. You barely breathed.

You ran back down the stairs and flung the door wide, slamming it in your wake as you went.

—————————————————————————

You ran through the streets in a complete haze, the fact it was raining hard never crossed your mind.

You were so confused, you felt betrayed but filled with aching for your mum and everything in-between.

You weren’t thinking anymore, putting one foot in front of the other, unaware that you hadn’t even stopped to put a coat on.

There it was, JD’s front door, you stumbled towards it, soaked to the bone.

Three knocks. You waited. You were beginning to see dark spots, it felt like sinking underwater.

The door opened. JD stood before you.

“Shit, Winnie, what the hell happened?”

But you didn’t remember much as you collapsed forward, into the strong arms of JD, as you gave in to unconsciousness.

————————————————————————-

Tumbling through clouds of black, your mind was barely a place of rest. You could sense you were drifting in and out of wakefulness, but still trapped in your dream world.

“Winnie? Com’on sweetheart are you back with me?”

Dragging you from the fog, you lifted your heavy lids to find yourself in JD’s dimly lit room as he sat beside you on the bed. You tried to sit up but your boyfriend’s arms came out to stop you.

“Hey hey easy, don’t want you collapsing on me again.”

As you laid back down you looked over yourself, you were covered by a blanket but were no longer in your soaked clothes.

“How did, what-”

“I carried y’up, you’d of caught pneumonia or something in what you had on so I slipped you into one of my t-shirts. Hope you don’t mind.”

You shook your head, which felt even heavier than it had previously. All the dark thoughts of earlier loomed, you brought your hand to your forehead and groaned.

“What the fuck happened? You’d only been gone for like 45 minutes.”

JD looked the most concerned you’d ever seen him, for once he was making no attempt to mask it. His fingers were toying with the bracelet around the wrist.

“I… I did what you said.”

Your boyfriend didn’t respond, he knew what you meant so just waited for you to continue.

“So yeah. Turns out you were right. My dad fucked up my mum’s life and left her.”

For once, you started to cry without apology in front of JD. He looked pained at seeing you do so, an expression you’d never seen on him before, at least not quite like this.

“Winnie, I…”

He trailed off, unsure what the hell he could say to comfort you now. So you filled in the space with an explanation.

“Before I was born, my dad’s business got into trouble so we didn’t have much of an income, so he gambled to try and save us and ended up fucking everything up. My mum threatened to leave and take me with her. He pushed her down the stairs and she got hurt. That’s how she lost her sight. It was nothing to do with a car crash and he stole everything and she did nothing and it’s all _his_ fucking fault!”

You knew you hadn’t really explained things well but didn’t care as you broke off with a sob. As you cried you tugged your fingers through your hair roughly, the anger you had been keeping locked away now exploding out of you. JD moved closer on the bed to pull your hands into his own, keeping a strong grip on them.

You brought yourself to fully sit up on the bed and leant into your boyfriend’s chest, muffling your sobs. Finally, you gave in and allowed yourself this moment, allowed yourself to feel sorry for yourself and your mum. The anger you had felt at her betrayal seemed so minute now in comparison to the anger you felt for your father, the father you couldn’t even remember.

JD’s arms wound round you, he didn’t say a word, but you’d never felt him hold you as tightly as this.

After minutes passed, your sobs quietened and you just stayed enveloped in his hold.

You heard JD mumble. Something dark, not sweet words by any means. You lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“What?”

_“I’ll fucking kill him.”_

Your eyes widened as you took in the expression your boyfriend was sporting – he was no longer looking vulnerable and concerned, he was angry.

“Hey hey it’s alright JD, look I know I’m upset now but I’ll be okay.”

You tried to offer comforting words to calm him, despite the murky tears tainted with eye makeup that painted your cheeks.

Pulling away from you, he sprang up from the bed quite suddenly. Alarm bells went off in your head.

“It’s not fucking okay. That asshole made you cry. _No one_ makes you cry.”

“I know, I know, but although this feels shit to me now you have to remember it was years ago, it’s not our battle to fight.”

You could feel the nagging thoughts at the back of your mind reminding you that you were giving into your warped moral compass. But when it came down to it, you knew deep down that believed fighting was never the answer, just perhaps not quite to the extent you used to.

Yes you were angry, but you knew uncovering old wounds was not the way to go. Whether it was because you knew your mother still cared about him or not, or just because you didn’t believe it was the right thing to do, it didn’t matter, you just knew that was not what you wanted.

You ran to grab JD’s hand but he shrugged you off, the sharpness in his gaze becoming clearer.

“Does it look like I care if it’s not our battle to fight? You don’t get it, my mum never got the chance to see me grow up, do you know how hard that was? And your dad could have killed her and left you without a mum too. He deserves this, he can’t just get away with it.”

“But she still loves him, you’d only be hurting her more!”

But your words fell on deaf ears as your boyfriend had fallen into tunnel vision. All the previous times you had managed to calm him, to put out the sparks of a flame, you could feel that this time was different.

You remembered him finding the letters in your room contains money from your father, the way his eyes had scanned over the return address, and it made you sick to your stomach.

He was pacing the room now, you felt that if you tried to touch him it would give you an electric shock from the amount of tension he had built inside himself.

“Please, whatever you are thinking of doing isn’t going to help anyone.”

“Oh just shut the _fuck_ up!”

JD screamed at you and you flinched violently in response. He ran a hand through his hair and looked guilty, but was still too wound up to apologise.

With a sudden jolt of energy, your boyfriend ran to his desk and pulled open the bottom draw, you saw him grab something from the depths and shove it inside his coat. Your eyes widened.

“Jason Dean what the _hell_ are you-”

You didn’t get the chance to finish as he fled from the room, you weren’t far behind as you chased him down the stairs, grabbing his coat to throw round you as you went.

“JD!”

He yanked at the front door and nearly slammed it back in your face. He began to dig in his pockets for the keys to his bike as you bolted forward to grab at his arm, you could feel the slight trembling in his limbs as the adrenaline pumped through his veins.

“Don’t you dare, don’t you dare do fucking _anything_! Shit JD this is not your mess to try and fix!”

He didn’t respond, instead he forcefully shook you off without a glance, continuing towards his bike.

You were panicking more and more as he ignored your pleas, you need to act fast, to get his attention before it was too late. So you said the one thing that would stop him in his tracks, even if it angered him more in the process.

“Hurting him won’t bring her back.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but soon he stopped struggling with his bike, slowly turning to look at you.

“What?”

You took a slow breath.

“Hurting him won’t bring your mother back.”


	8. Ending One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter of this short story, I’ve had a lot of fun writing this for the last few months and thank you so much to people who have been supportive or even just bothered to give it a read.
> 
> I spent a lot of time contemplating what kind of ending I wanted for Winnie and JD, and the whole time I had two in mind. So I wrote both. But then I realised I didn’t want it to be up to me to decide which one saw the light of day, so I’m just going to publish both. You decide which one you think would have been more likely for our characters.
> 
> When it comes down to it, the turning point is so minute that I honestly think either could have been possible.
> 
> I may write a short epilogue for each of the endings- just for some final thoughts on how I think things would have turned out. But as I say, you decide which ending you want to go with. So here goes...

_“Hurting him won’t bring your mother back.”_

The reaction you provoked was painful despite being what you expected. JD seemed to stiffen as he held his hands awkwardly to his sides. He flexed them as he shook his head violently, he looked like he had a current of electricity running through his system.

For the first time since you had met him, you felt afraid of your boyfriend.

“Don’t you fucking _dare_ talk about my mum, she has nothing to do with this!”

He took a few steps closer, you retreated as fast as you could, eager to maintain the distance you had as you continued to plead your case.

“JD please, you have to see what I see, you miss your mum, and I wish I could show you that hurting other people is not going to fix this. The way you behave, the anger, the fighting, it’s all because of what happened to you.”

Despite your intentions, your boyfriend did not take kindly to your words, all you wanted to do was show him that his thoughts were clouded by passed events and feelings. Instead, he near exploded.

“Oh _fuck off_ with all your psychoanalysis and deduction bullshit! God, you think you know me and understand all the _deep flaws_ of society, but you don’t. Your mind’s all messed up so you can’t see that what I’m gonna do here is the _right thing_. I’m protecting you.”

You shook your head in disbelief.

“Protecting me from what? All you’re doing is digging yourself a massive hole that you won’t be able to climb out of. You’re wrong JD, I don’t need protecting.”

JD’s anger shunted up a level, his eyes cut through you as he immediately countered your response.

“You don’t need protecting? If I hadn’t of helped you- you… you’d still be stuck how you were before- frightened of saying anything, you could barely look me in the fucking eyes!”

“You know that’s not true, you’re not going to sway me by trying to show me I need you. If you do this, you’re on your own.”

You felt exasperated, the boy who had been there for you, the one who you’d felt indescribable chemistry with, everything was coming crashing down. You were desperately grasping at straws, but the side of him you had been in denial of for so long was now as clear as day. You couldn’t control him and it wasn’t your job to. You tore your hands through your messy hair.

“JD I thought I loved you, but if this is who you are…I’m sorry I just-”

Although you knew what you were trying to say, it didn’t occur to you then how _stupid_ you had been. The way those words hit your boyfriend was enough to break you in two. Because he didn’t look like a man who’d been given an ultimatum of changing his behaviour, he looked like a child who had just been told they wouldn’t be loved for who they were.

You were the only person he had as a constant in his life, and you had just threatened to take that away. It hit you for what it had sounded like to his ears, and words flooded from you. You had to fix it.

“No no no, I didn’t mean it like that JD, I mean that I can’t be with you if you hurt him. I love _you_ but-”

It was like trying to wash away permanent ink, what you said had set in stone the way _he_ had heard it. It was too late for you to explain.

“I know what you meant.” His words were cold as he cut you off, returning to his motorcycle.

“JD please, no, let me explain-”

“Winnie, I know what you meant.”

The next few moments blurred into one. JD jumped on his motorcycle, you bolted forward to grab hold of him, it was too late. He took off, leaving you in the dust.

You didn’t waste a second, you began to run after him, ignoring the fact that you knew you’d never catch up on foot. But you had no choice, you just continued blindly. All it had taken was a slip of the tongue. This was your fault. If you had just taken a moment to rephrase your words and show him you couldn’t love his _behaviour_ , then everything would have been okay.

You had no idea how long it took you, but eventually, you recognised the street you found yourself on. You were out of breath, red in the face, but you could see a motorcycle leant against one of the terrace houses in the distance. Spurring you on, you ran the final few meters and arrived outside the front door.

You knew it was the one, the door was slightly ajar which sent a jolt of fear right through you at the thought of what lurked within. You shoved through it and called out.

“JD! JD!”

Down the hallway, you saw what you assumed was the kitchen door and took a deep breath, bounding towards it and kicking it open.

You didn’t know what you had expected to find, maybe you hadn’t thought about it because you couldn’t bring yourself to. But nothing could have prepared you for what you saw. You choked on your words, voice cracking.

“JD. Why, how could you…”

You tailed off, tears began to collect in your eyes, blurring your vision.

But you could make out the silhouette of your boyfriend standing before you, trembling slightly as he spoke.

“I said I’d protect you Winnie. And I always will.”


	9. Ending Two

_“Hurting him won’t bring your mother back.”_

JD fell through a whole range of emotions as he tried to decide on his reaction. Anger seemed to be the dominant as he pulled his hands into fists and used words to lash out.

“Don’t you fucking _dare_ talk about my mum, she has nothing to do with this!”

You were afraid, you couldn’t deny it, as he worked himself into a frenzy. He wasn’t able to handle these feelings, and you had to try and help him. But the more you tried to make this about him, the more he would push you away. This wasn’t the time to discuss his own situation because it would be like pulling the trigger and sealing fate. To get through to him, you had to make this about both of you.

“JD please listen to me. Deep down I think you miss your mum, but hurting my dad is not going to help either of us. We are both victims of our childhoods and that influences the way we behave. It clouds our judgement. You’re not to blame and neither am I, but we don’t get to make these calls.”

JD began to look ever so slightly torn, but his fingers twitching to reach out and start his bike.

“Winnie I need to do this for y-”

You shook your head.

“You don’t need to do anything for me. I know you want to protect me, but you already are. We’re both hurting, even if you don’t think you are. Let me show you that we can make this better without hurting anyone else.”

Your boyfriend stood still, frozen to the spot.

“I love you JD, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you alone. Just please _listen_ to what I’m saying. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

You knew you had to be careful with how you handled him, but you had found what it was he wanted to hear. This wasn’t about your dad or you. This was about JD feeling unloved; that was the key. Your boyfriend took one small step away from his motorbike, avoiding your eyes as he ran a hand through his hair.

You took steps forward to bridge the gap between you and him. Gingerly, you took both of his hands in yours, he didn’t pull away.

“Come on, let’s go get a slushie.”

You waited, holding your breath. Until you heard a quiet voice.

“Only if it’s cherry.”


	10. Epilogue One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final part to Winnie’s story. I hope for these epilogues to give a flavour of how I think things would have turned out. Because of the gentle nature of Winnie’s character I imagined that no matter what happened, she would always have some sort of empathy for JD.
> 
> Also may I say I am aware that the concept within the first epilogue is a very fictional take, I don’t know much about the legal system and how they may have dealt with things.
> 
> I have loved writing this story so much and become very attached to Winnie I have to say. So, thank you for reading my waffle, here goes.

You could have driven away. You had good reason to, but couldn’t. So there you sat, in the car park of the juvenile detention centre. Less than a hundred metres away from him, for the first time in just over a year.

It seemed so surreal. How could it have been a whole year since your life had come crashing down in more ways than one. You had kept no contact with JD, he had sent you letter after letter, but you hadn’t opened one of them. You had completely blocked him out of your life. And after a while, the letters died down, but you had kept them all in a box, because you couldn’t quite bring yourself to throw them out. But despite it all, if you closed your eyes tight enough, you could still feel him holding you close so vividly.

You nibbled at a hang-nail that was threatening to bleed, considering your reasons to stay or go.

JD hadn’t managed to kill your father, only badly injure, if he had murdered him you would never have forgiven yourself. Still, you blamed yourself for everything. You’d spent months thinking about what might have been, but despite him performing the act himself, the fact that JD had done it for _you_ , that had tortured you, and would continue to for the rest of your life.

It was just a slip of the tongue in the heat of the moment that had swayed him, but the injuries he had inflicted… you couldn’t think about it for too long.

You had been angry at JD, you felt so betrayed. But now…

You still had nightmares about seeing your dad on the floor, surrounded by his own blood. Despite being angry at him too, you knew he didn’t deserve that.

But it often wasn’t just his body you saw, it was mostly JD’s face, and the genuine childlike confusion as he didn’t understand what he had done wrong.

That was what you couldn’t shake: he did it because he loved you. He didn’t understand… he thought you would be happy. And even… no. You couldn’t get caught up in all this again, what he did was _wrong_.

You still couldn’t decide whether you had done the right thing. You hadn’t called the police, only the ambulance. At the time, all you had felt was shock at what he had done, filled to the brim with emotions, so when the time came you gave your statement within the blink of an eye, and you severed all connections from him at that moment. You had to hold on to that fury you’d felt, or you’d get sucked in all over again.

You had promised yourself that you would never think about him, let alone mention his name.

But that had all changed this morning.

You had been taking time out of town, every once in a while the memories got too much, but on your return, you had found a letter waiting for you. It looked formal, so you had prised it open, assuming it may have been from a university or something. But at the top of the sheet within, you saw the stamped logo: ‘Elmford Juvenile Detention Centre’. You had thrown the letter back on the table. You’d stared at it for what felt like years, as if your eyes would burn it to a crisp with their gaze; so you could pretend it never existed.

But it was too much, what if they were writing to inform you that he was sick or hurt? At the thought, you unfolded the sheet, trying to squash the feeling of nausea to the pit of your stomach.

_Dear Miss Robinson,_

_We have been asked on the behalf of a Mister Jason Dean to inform you that you now have visiting rights to see him, should you choose to take them. He has also requested we let you know he is currently receiving psychiatric treatment._

The letter went on, explaining formalities and such, but the words _visiting rights_ leapt off the page. Why did he want you? You knew his dad had been able to see him from the beginning as JD was under eighteen, but now he could choose to see anyone else, he still wanted you. After all this time, after you practically handed him in? You knew he had asked them to send the request formally because you wouldn’t have opened the letter if you saw his handwriting. He had done it deliberately because it was a last resort to get your attention.

You didn’t want to think about him, you ran to your room and hid the letter in a book, as if that would block it from your mind.

As night had drawn in and you had gone to bed, you still lay awake at 3am, staring at the wall. You couldn’t stop thinking about him, no matter what you did he wouldn’t get out of your head. As you’d try to sleep his voice would echo in your head, you could feel the memory of his hands playing with your hair. What was he doing now, was he lying awake thinking about you? Despite what he had done, you… you still cared about him. And he was asking for you, he had even told you he was accepting treatment; he wanted to change.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you sprang from your bed and flung open the cupboard doors. There it was, the box you hadn’t opened since putting the last letter in months ago.

You pulled it off the shelf, and shuffled off the lid. With shaking hands, you took out the bundle, turning it over to see the first one you had ever received at the bottom. And so you began.

They began wild, fuelled with raw emotions, handwriting scratchy and erratic. He would insist in torrents that what he had done was for you, how he loved you, and _fuck_ it hurt like hell. He begged for you to write back, saying he understood that it may take time for you to come round to how he saw things.

They continued in a similar vain for a while, but then they began to shift from angry to more trivial things. Telling you what he did with his time, just how everything was going, even some humour thrown in. He’d always ask about you however, always remind you he still cared for you. You felt the tears building in your eyes, blurring your vision.

You got down to the last few, and they were the hardest to read. It was as if, despite giving up hope of you responding, he still wanted to remind you that he was alive and still thought about you. But you ground to a halt as you read, in the smallest print on his last letter: “I’m sorry Winnie.”

You half-heartedly tossed the letter at your wall, it barely made it and fell to the floor. You sobbed into your hands. You couldn’t do it, you had to see him.

So that’s where you were, going to see JD for the first time in a year.

No matter how hard you tried to hold onto the anger, the love you felt for him kept bubbling back to the surface. _You had to see him._

Shaking, you got out of the car and made your way to the visitors entrance.

Throughout the formalities of gaining entrance, you were in a trance. Was this the right thing to do? What if he only wanted to see you to shout at you? Well, if so, at least you’d see him.

You were led to a room on your own, just a simple table and two chairs that were all bolted down.

You sat down awkwardly, ringing your hands, eyes darting over the pasty walls.

You didn’t know how long you sat there for, lost in thoughts, until you heard the heavy handle of the door.

And in came a prison warden... and him.

You couldn’t help the tears that built up in your eyes as you saw him. He looked so much smaller than you remembered, his head bowed.

“JD.” You could barely trust your voice.

He raised his head, and eyes that looked so lost in space, suddenly focused solely on you.

As you locked gazes, it was as if all surroundings fell away, and you were back with him on the bench, just drinking slushies.

“Winnie.”


	11. Epilogue Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❤️❤️

Oh com’on, it’s not gonna kill ya to go for a spin up the road!”

You stood with your arms crossed on your front lawn, JD holding out his hand to you as you shook your head.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not getting on that death trap.”

Your boyfriend gave you a boyish frown, closing the gap to tug your hand into his anyway.

“Please? Look, I’ve done things for you, I’m pretty much a completely different person now I’ve been to that therapist.”

You gave a small smile, that was somewhat true, he definitely seemed different now; less brooding.

It had been six months since the near disaster. Since then, you and your boyfriend had talked a lot, and although it was a slow process, you were both on the path of healing.

You had made JD promise not to wind up his therapist and to try and work on his anger, but in return, you yourself had been having therapy, but JD had asked for some added bonuses.

He wanted you to try and come out of your shell more; try new things. You had agreed, but said that you’d only do things within reason, and that you towed the line of where you felt uncomfortable.

This agreement had worked well, until he started begging you to ride his motorcycle with him.

Every. Single. Day.

You looked between his eyes, falling for the mischievous yet genuine glint they held.

“Fine. But only up the street.”

JD grinned like a toddler who had been presented with a whole sweet shop for himself, and practically carried you to the bike.

With you both positioned, he placed your hands round his waist.

“Okay?” He turned to look at you, a slight gentleness peaking through as he wanted to make sure he wasn’t pushing you too far.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

With a smile at your confirmation, he sped off, and you gripped him tighter than you thought possible.

“Easy, easy, ‘salright, I won’t let you fall off.”

He turned the corner and kept going, you were about to tell him to turn back, but you realised you didn’t want to. The comforting rhythm of the road was… nice.

Through the winding streets, you buried your face in the back of his neck, breathing in the smell of cigarettes and just him.

You could practically feel him smirking.

You spoke into his back.

“What?”

“You’re stubborn as shit, but you’re fuckin’ adorable.”

You flicked the back of his head.

“Ow!”

You giggled and pressed yourself closer to his back, shielding yourself from the wind in his warmth. Despite his insane tendencies, you had learnt so much from him in such a small space of time. Gained so much happiness, so much confidence. You didn’t _need_ him, but you _wanted_ him. And you had him.

“I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I love you JD.”

“Love you too, Winnie.”


End file.
